2014

2014

Holy hell. It's been quite the year. I experienced my first two semesters as an RA at colorado state and shared tears and laughter with said residents. In my first semester i learned that not everyone is going to like you.. In my second semester i learned that it is much easier to make friends with your residents if you just be 110% authentic with them from the very beginning. Its okay to cry while telling them why you love CSU and it's also okay to reprimand them in advance for saying the word "retard" because they will. and it's only fair that they get a warning in advance and a good firm talking to if i don't happen to be there to hear them say it. 

This year i told a professor to "give me a bad grade and get over it" which was me essentially telling her to fuck off. It felt incredible. I regret nothing. I mean yeah. I got my first C in that Gender Roles in Society class but that professor was inconsiderate and could take some less than friendly words. I'm well aware by me not giving a class my whole heart it only affects me butttttttt. you can't win them all right? She's fine. I'm fine. We are all fine. 

2014 was the first year i started competing in crossfit competitions. I did the crossfit open, the Quick and the Dead, Clash of the Titans, the MBS Turkey Challenge, and the Invictus Online Comp all in the course of a year! Go me! Did i get first or even top three at any of these competitions? hell no. but they were all a great time. I pushed myself and put myself out there. Every workout or competition i do is one step closer to reaching my fitness goals. 

I dated this girl. It was the first time I'd really dated someone. The first time I'd been a girlfriend. It was an overall great experience and i fell in love! So now i know what love feels like. and what heartbreak feels like. and what good friends who take you out and get you drunk to get over her feels like. This girl and I didn't workout. But by the end of it we were talking like adults without tears or curse words. and really thats all you can ask for. 

I had a beautiful summer in alaska where i worked minimally but had my first job in the food service industry. It was actually fun! and I'm excited to work a few shifts over winter break. This job taught me to tip better. tips make the world go round. Me seeing a dollar in my jar after a transaction makes me a whole lot happier than seeing nothing. So from now on I give that feeling to others. Here I also learned that pride in a job comes in all different styles. and to say that someone doesn't value their work as much as you do because you show your pride differently isn't very inclusive. I also learned how great it is to get a free meal every time i work :) SCORE! 

As always, i spent time with my pup and my parents. every year they show me what unconditional love looks like. Sometimes the parentals and I fight but at the end of the day there is a mutual respect and really thats what it comes down to. As for chops (my dog son), he's got my back. Always has, always will. 

I learned the value of someone taking you to the DIA from Fort Collins and the value of someone picking you up from DIA to take you to Fort Collins. GOD BLESS anyone who has done either one of those things. Do you know how much super shuttle and green ride suck? A LOT. Your kind act of driving me for an hour even though i sing the whole time and talk about myself for a hot minute is so appreciated. 

Holy crap. I'm never going to talk about my significant other with curse words and disdain. Good lord. What was the point of living with someone and possibly loving someone if you're going to say mean things to them. Why would they care for you if you don't care enough about your feelings to spare you harsh words? Sorry that was a rant.. I just heard a couple cussing at each other. 

shit went down this year. It was bitter it was sweet. but overall I'm a better person due to 2014.

So maybe im a little volatile right now.

What do you mean "Why would you want to tell your uncle about your girlfriend?"

Why the fuck wouldn't I. Sarina has known about every occurrence that has happened to me this semester. she has slept next to me more often than not. Her scent fills my pillow and when I'm lucky my nostrils. I want to tell people how happy I am. I want them to see me smile when i look at her and my nerves settle when she's close to me. I want to tell people what I like about her and who she is. I want to take pictures of us and post them on Facebook for the world to see. Because I'm fucking happy! I'm fucking happy fucking a girl. Is that so different? is it so weird that I'm in love with a person who has similar genitalia to me. If thats the case then none of you heteros can date someone with the same hair color or eye color because that.. that is just wrong. some might even call it an abomination. A-bomb-in-nation. Dear god if you are so closed-minded that you can't appreciate love as love i will bomb the nation that used to be our friendship. get out. I don't want you here. If you can't learn to accept me. me and my glorious girlfriend who leaves me notes and steals me apples from the dining hall then you can get the fuck out. leave. you're not wanted here. My mind and body is mine and i will do what i want with it. If i want to tell someone about the girl who makes my heart sing than that is what I'm going to do. I'm not tip toeing around because I'm scared of that slight pause. the second where I'm not sure whats coming: approval or prejudice. I have a fucking girlfriend. Her name is sarina and god damn it she is a nice lady. 

Time Flies

Time flies 

As of June 17th, 2014 I've been crossfiting for a year! roughly 6 days a week for a year. Sometimes multiple workouts in a day. I've probably done over 400 met cons (WODs)! You might not see how cool this is but I am in awe. Over 400 times I pushed myself harder than I wanted to. Over 400 times I've walked into a crossfit gym and felt at home. My first crossfit anniversary is one of many. In celebration of this milestone I'm going to tell you some stuff I learned though crossfit this year. I can't possibly tell you everything. But something is better than nothing right? 

I've learned that even if you think you're the fittest crossfitter in the gym at that specific time that doesn't mean jack shit.. Later on in the day another crossfitter is going to walk into the gym and shit all over the score you just threw up. thats okay! You tried. And you can try again the next time that workout is posted. Write it in your crossfit journal and move on. keep training. if you want it bad enough your day will come. 

Congratulate everyone on their performance. Even if you think they could've pushed harder. You don't know their life. They need to justify nothing to you. They came in and threw down and that is fucking spectacular. 

Cheering helps. Do it for your neighbor and they shall return the favor. nothing makes me work hard than hearing someone yelling my name. Oh yeah! learn everyones names. people love that. it makes them feel special and cared about. 

Crossfit is a lifestyle.  Crossfitters do not just come in for a workout a leave their crossfit identity in the gym. If you do crossfit regularly you are crossfit. You put the principles into practice on the daily. You've learned that good things come to those who work hard. They know that to see their body perform they're going to need to feed it premium fuel. Crosfitters don't just want to AMRAP kettle bell swings. They also want to AMRAP life with quality movement. They want to experience life in the fittest state that they can. Thats part of what makes crossfit so beautiful.

I've learned at every body is different and there isn't a set order that we all accomplish different crossfit milestones. Some people get bar muscle ups first and some people get ring muscle ups first. Even if they do all the same workouts and try the same cues. Our bodies are good at some things and not so good at others. its just part of the sports. the goal is to make your weaknesses less weak and your strengths even stronger. 

It's important to enjoy everyday. You don't have to enjoy every second of every workout but there has to be a highlight. A part that you were proud of. Otherwise, why would you want to come back?

Random acts of kindness. If you see someone do something incredible or someone impresses you tell them. Sometimes working out and pushing yourself to the next level is hard and we lose motivation. A single compliment can amp them up and make them eager to come back the next day. Compliment them. "Wow, beautiful snatch!"

Don't assume someone can do something. Test what they can do. You wouldn't want to injure them just because by looking at them you thought they could lift a certain weight for a certain amount of reps.

Everyone and I mean everyone sucked before they hit their stride. Give yourself time. Practice now, suck less later :) 

Crossfit is fun. 

That is all. 

Who defines significance?

Alright, since I'm being a lazy narrator I'm going to give you a dialog from a conversation I had a couple days ago.

Uncle: Hey, so how do you like your new job at mama o's (its a seafood restaurant and I work as a waitress/hostess/cashier/people pleaser)?
Bre: I like it! It's hard and I'm always on my feet but I like it! I plan on going back this winter and then again in the summer.
Uncle: Well, I'm glad you like it but when are you doing to start looking for a job in your field?
Bre: My field?
Uncle: You know. Your degree.
Bre: Ohhhh that field. Ummm I don't plan on using that for awhile.
Uncle: What do you plan on doing after school?
Bre: Being a professional athlete.
Uncle: Have a back up plan.


I've been thinking a lot about this conversation. He means well. Absolutely. He just wants to make sure I do something significant with my life. But my question is "Who gets to decide what is and what isn't significant?" Is this significance based on money earned, money spent? is it based on whether or not I pay off my house? Is it based on how many children I bare or how many hours I work? WHAT IS THIS SIGNIFICANCE BASED OFF OF? and who gets to decide? is it society? is it my parents? is it the president, is it a higher power, is it the church? or is it me?

We get to decide for ourselves what is significant for us. That doesn't mean that I get to decide what is significant for you. That doesn't mean your parents can tell you you're a fuck up. We all should just go through life doing whatever makes our hearts sing. If you're hearts not singing and you're alright with that congrats. You're succeeding. But if your hearts not signing and you're not content with that then you need to make some changes. If we think what we've done is good enough (significant) then it is! Lets say I work my ass off and still never become a professional athlete.. First of all, fuck... that really sucks. But second of all that's still damn significant. I hypothetically spent years of my life working towards a goal that I set for myself.  No back up plan needed. If i were to fail at my dream I'd have a new one to work towards. That may or may not use a degree. Who knows.

My plan for after college is that same as it is right now. Be happy. Do what I love. Inspire others. Be a friend. Represent the little guy. And a lot of other things. Right now, to me that sounds a whole lot like being a professional crossfit athlete that is well known. Crossfit makes me happy. I love it. My story and my spirit will inspire others. Of course I will be a friend. And I will represent the little guy with my underdog story.

By some change of heart that I 100% don't think will happen. I could decide that this is no longer my dream. That's just fine! What ever I end up doing I will be happy. I'm 100% sure of it.

I don't need people even loved ones telling me what I should be doing. I know what would be safe. I know what is stable. I know my dreams are far fetched, risky, and hard as shit to achieve but I'm going to do it.


Don't doubt me.

uncle scott if you're reading this i still love and am grateful that you care enough about me to make suggestions.

Where is my heart?

“today my teacher asked me
where my heart was.
anatomically, i should’ve answered
‘just to the left of the breastbone.’
but my god that’s not where my heart is at all.
it’s inside you.”

I saw that quote today and it got me thinking. Where is my heart? I decided that my heart isn't just in one place. I've invested little tiny pieces in different aspects of my life. This is probably good. At least I think so. Because if my heart isn't all in one place it can't get completely shattered. No one thing could occur that would completely destroy me. 

Of course my parents have part of my heart. As I get older that piece changes from a need to make them proud and happy into a need to be myself and make myself happy. I still love my parents. Don't get me wrong. But I love my independence more. I love that I have my own personality, identities, and dreams that don't necessarily coincide with every one of their values. Everyday that becomes more and more okay.

My greatest of friends have a piece of my heart. They usually hold it with care. They lift it out of harms way and keep it away from predators. This piece of my heart is one that I really won't ever have to worry about. Because if anyone of my good friends were to set my heart down, even for a second. Then they didn't deserve to hold it in the first place. 

Lovers. Every time I get involved with anyone I give them a little piece. I hand it to them gingerly because eventually it gets tossed back at me like a tennis ball but I still give it away like a sophomore on prom night. Its how I work. It's obvious that I wear my heart on my sleeve. But its a big heart and I can afford to give pieces away to any girl who gets my attention. These are the pieces my friends tell me to keep. Basically I live by the motto "its better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." 

Chops. My dog son. He holds a big chunk of my heart. He carries it as if it was his own. He protects it as if it was his bone. This piece of my heart I would give to chops everyday in every way. He earned it. Just by being him. 

Crossfit. Crossfit. Crossfit. Of course Crossfit holds like half my heart. Its my vice. Without it I don't know who I'd be. I love everything about it. Especially the community. At first I didnt even give my heart to Crossfit but rather it ran away with it the moment my coach said 3-2-1-GO.  

These people and things that hold pieces of me. Pieces of my heart will forever have them. I can't get them back and I'd never want to. 

2014 Reebok Crossfit Games

The 2014 Reebok Crossfit Games were this weekend. So of course I was keeping up with them. What I saw was more than the top three men, women, and teams on the planet. I saw heart, discipline, plans, recovery, execution, and so much more. I saw years of hard work and training being put to the test. For some athletes their hard work and training didnt show as well as others. Thats a bummer for them for sure.. But this doesnt have to be the end. Sure, they didnt win this year but if they really wanted it. I mean REALLY wanted it they will try again. They will be back with vengeance. Even then they might not win. But what is most impressive to me with the crossfit games is those athletes like Rebecca Voigt and Chris Spealler who have competed over and over again in the Reebok Crossfit Games. Winning isnt everything. But being in the top 40 fittest men and women on the planet? that is everything. The support that they have taken, shown, and given the sport is incredible and a tribute to the community that crossfit builds.

I saw about one hundred athletes experience the raw emotions that I experience everyday. I saw them surprise themselves and cry. I saw them pick other athletes off the ground and worry about their injuries. I saw heartbreak and angry faces. I saw emotion. I used to think were to much for the level that im at. I now see that when you are that invested in a sport/life style. Emotion comes naturally. We all feel this way. Yes I said "we". because in the crossfit community the best in the world wouldnt mind that I grouped myself with them. They just want me to achieve all that I can. Its a beautiful thing knowing that I could walk up to any 2014 games competitor hug them and they wouldnt see it as weird. Crossfitters who take this shit seriously have a bond. I bond that goes past competition and morphs into a brotherhood.

Everyday I'm greatful to have been invited into the crossfit way of life. Nothing gives me more pleasure than spreading the crossfit love that I have. Soon I will be a coach. And that is almost unfathomable to me.



God Bless Crossfit, and Rich Froning.

Reasons why this summer might have been my best one yet

The summer of 2014 has not quite come to an end yet but already i have deemed it a good one. I've decided this based on an extremely complicated algorithm that I couldn't possibly explain.

One reason why this summer had been a good one is because I've spent more time with my pup than any summer before. I take him on long hikes. Sometimes alone sometimes with friends. I make sure he has water and gets an dog arthritis pill afterwards so he doesn't get to stiff. My man is getting older. I take pictures of him to capture every moment because moments with chops and i roaming in the alaskan wilderness are some of the purest and most genuine vie experienced. We cuddle on the daily. he trusts me so much that i can scoop him up from a deep slumber and lay him on my chest and his breathing wont even change. I tell him i love him via my mouth and he tells me via his eyes. This bond with chopper reminds me that no matter what rejection i face in the real world he could never hurt me. I once read that to humans dogs are just a part of their life but to the dog we are their whole life. His unconditional love is enough for me.

Another reason is that I've done what I've wanted this summer. I quit a job I was tired of to find work that made me happier. I took time for myself and spent time with good friends in a safe place. I'm working less and making less but I'm varying my resume and learning different skills. I'm putting myself in less than ideal situations and I'm rising to the occasion.

I'm becoming a better crossfitter. I'm getting stronger and faster. I'm becoming more encouraging while staying competitive. I'm writing down my workouts, times, weights, and scores. I'm treating equipment well and learning gym etiquette. I'm utilizing training partners. I'm learning how to fix form and how to do the movement correctly and efficiently myself. Mobility and flexibility have become important aspects of my training.

At one of my jobs I have the privilege of speaking spanish to my coworker. It's an awesome time and really good for both of us.


I've had flings and things that have made this summer interesting and sometimes a little dramatic. Sometimes they made me a little crazy but that just made me confide in friends. which then made my buds rise to the occasion and be there for me. So really i have no regrets.

I've spent time with the friends who matter most. I haven't spread myself to thin. I haven't had to cancel due to double booking and I haven't taken for granted any time I've spent with the ones i hold near and dear.

Nothing huge happened. No big trips. No sudden realizations. Just life and the things i love. Chops, not working, crossfit, spanish, girls, and friends.

Programing, its a thing.

I go through a tag line basically every week on my various social media sites. But one I keep coming back to is "Making Gainz Not Excuses." What can i say? I like it! It sends a message that I believe in and that I want to spread. What is Bre Baines doing? Making Gainz Not Excuses. Doesn't that sound awesome? In the past all that meant was that I was working towards my goals. In the past I was sort of doing that blindly. Mostly without rhyme or reason. I would make up a workout and do it. I would pick a lift and work on it. I wasn't on a schedule. And I would stray from programs like they weren't even written down. Through doing this I became a better athlete. There is no doubt about that. But I wasnt using my full potential. I was riding off of the natural gainz a novice crossfitter can make during their first year in the sport. Honestly, I have no regrets about the way I exercised during my first year. I was having fun. Learning to love the sport, my body, and the community around me.

Its now been a year of crossfit and recently I've started sticking to a program and seeing incredible results. I came home for the summer and went back to my old box. Everyday I came in and did a workout and then worked on some random shiz. At this point i was becoming a little more organized and objective. At least I had a squat program I was working on! Thats a start right? Anyways I would do the workout with the rest of the gym and then try to do my squat cycle. Most days I just couldnt do it. One of the coaches told me to stop trying. I was really confused by this. I mean usually coaches encourage you to push past your limits and do something you didnt think you were capable of. But when I looked at him funny he said stick to a program and only one program. So I fucked around in the gym for another week and then started training the invictus competition program with the big boys and girls at crossfit alaska. the first couple weeks I was getting a baseline but after that I started getting fucking strong and conditioned! I was deadlifting more than ever, squatting with excellent form and stacking more weight on the bar, I was taking off weight when my form got dicy. I challenged myself to rise to the occassion and compete with my friends and more importantly myself. I was PRing lifts every time I did them. BEING ON A PROGRAM IS OUT OF THIS WORLD! For the first time I was training for crossfit rather than simply exercising.Even though sometimes this program is a little out of my league and sometimes I think the volume is a bit excessive I do it because that's whats written down, its written down for a reason, and that is what Im capable of. Doing this program has shown me just what I can do. And what I can do is push myself!

Thanks Mike for pushing me out of my comfort zone.

Hey, you're incredible

Brelievers

I talk a lot about maybe making it to the crossfit games regionals. It's a dream i have. I talk to close friends and family about my PRs and different skills i've picked up recently and every once in awhile I ask "If I make it to regionals would you come and see me?" I always get the same answer "Of course I will come see you if you make it to regionals! Of course you'll make it! You're Bre!" This answer is from the people in my life that dont actually do crossfit. Or have only came to one or two crossfit classes. These loved ones don't know how hard it is to get to regionals and then to dare i say it... THE GAMES. But they know that it's a goal of mine. They know that I spend time and money working towards it. They see my passion and smell the sweat I've worked up. They're my support team. They don't know that there are animals out there. Animals that share my dream and have a better idea of how to get there. They dont realize that the sport of crossfit is growing everyday. Everyday more athletes decide that "hey maybe I can make it to the games too." Everyday in crossfit I compete with myself and I usually win. But in order to reach my sometimes outrageous goals for crossfit I'm going to have to compete with others. 

We all have goals. Mine is to one day make it to the games and to one day do well at the games. Its a lofty goal but it's my goal. :) I achieve milestones all the time and get better every day. Something I didn't know that I'd learn is who my real team is. The people who support me and ignorantly believe in me. And also the people who maybe dont think i'll reach my goal of going to the games but still support me because they care.  I didn't know that as I got better my team of supporters would have to get better too. I think that everyday I talk about crossfit just a little more than i did the day before. My support team understands.  I didnt know that there would be times at crossfit where I'd need a shoulder to cry on. But there has been times and there has been shoulders. Big, beautiful, crossfit sculpted shoulders. I didn't know what it would mean to me to feel supported by those around me. I didnt know I needed anyones help. I thought I could do it alone. Crossfit is mostly an individual sport. Now I know that crossfit is far from individual. Your team is made up of everybody who believes in you. I didn't think that my coaches would become some of my dearest friends. I didn't realize that failure would be an everyday occurrence and that I would learn to work with it. I didn't know that crossfit would teach me to be a better sportsman and that some of the goals I would have would be to remember the names of new members or to cheer for someone I dont know very well. I didn't know that I would want to help other people become better crossfitters. I'd take time when i could be training to stop and help someone else. Little things like that never crossed my mind when I was thinking of what crossfit would do for me. 

alright I'm going to stop that discussion right there because what crossfit has done for me is not the entire purpose of this blog entry. The point was to talk about how much support means to me and how i didn't know that i even needed it until I started crossfit. The purpose was to give a pat on the back to all the people who are on the support team of people with high goals. Because without great support teams those goals will never be reached. Just think of how many times an athlete who has accomplished something enormous stood in front of a microphone and said "I had no support team. No one helped me get where I am today." That's right! That never happens.

Reaching goals is a group effort. Thank you to the Brelievers and the other people out their who support others. 

I need a hobby/murph 2014

its been to long since ive posted.

I've just been chilling and enjoying summer.

Most of my days are filled with crossfit, work, crossfit, family, and then time with friends. This weekend was a little different because almost all of my anchorage friends went out of town for memorial weekend. Normally that would've been fine. I would have went with them but this weekend I was house sitting. House sitting for someone with dogs. I couldn't just feed them extra and then leave them outside. I'm being paid for this. These dogs and every other dog deserves more than that. So i stayed in town for the weekend.

The highlight of my weekend is a toss up between two occurrences. One is a secret so I won't say but the other was Sunday's crossfit workout. My gym, like many other crossfit gyms in the US ran "Murph" A brutal workout to honor fallen soldiers.

post "murph" picture

Run 1 mile, 300 air squats, 200 push ups, 100 pull ups, run another mile. partition as needed and wear a vest if you can do all of the above and think you can do it with a 20lb vest.

I ran it as prescribed without a vest. rx pull ups with a vest would be near impossible for me. But hey! maybe next year!

The first mile was sweet. I ran it in 8 min 17 seconds. Not bad for a crossfitter who prefers to lift heavy stuff. I came in. chalked up and got to work. 20 rounds of 5 pull ups, 10 push ups, and 15 air squats was the name of my game. This is what separates the men from the boys. Will you work when you think you cant? will you cheer on your team when you're choaking on your own spit? will run when you want to walk. Will you hold on to that bar even when it hurts? Will you be a man or a boy? Will you understand that everyone doing this workout is a hero? will you understand that to be someones hero someone does not have to be your hero. Will you understand that sometimes a workout is not just a work out and sometimes its a test of your will power and heart. Sometimes we work out for others. Murph is a beautiful things. I brings most of the crossfitters in the US together for a community ass kicking. It honors those who have worked for us and allows us to give just a tiny bit back to them and their families.

After the workout we had a little potluck in the crossfit gym. Great food, great company, and a day complete and all before 1pm.

The rest of the weekend was mediocre at best. I'm high maintenance. I get bored realllly quick. I need to be entertained. I thrive off of human interaction. Most of my humans were gone soooo I wasn't thriving. the day went on and I was still bored. I thought about going on a run.. I started running and i decided I'd rather walk.. so i did. the problem is that when im bored i turn to friends or exercise. I already did both of those things that day.. My friends were gone and I already got my butt kicked at crossfit. I had nothing to do. those were my only options. I need more options. I should find a hobby that i can do when my friends are gone and my muscles have already been worked.. Any suggestions? I'm trying not to over exercise like i have in the past. but right now.. thats all I know.

helpppp meeeee.

Ambitions.

So tonight as after I took a shower and was lounging around my room as i put lotion on and combed my hair i got to thinking about all the things I'd like to do. I have a lot on my bucket list. Not things like go to the Great Wall of China or parasail in the Mediterranean Sea things like I want to graduate with a bachelors degree. I want to challenge myself everyday. I want to marry the person of my dreams. I want to give to the community and be an example for my children and my peers. I want to do something substantial with my career. I'm not 100% sure what I want to do but what I'm sure of is that it will impact the people who are willing to be effected. I want to love someone so hard that they feel it even when I'm grouchy. I want to go to the crossfit games. I want to do well at the crossfit games. and If i don't make it that far I want to know that i tried my damnedest. I want to infect the world with my positive outlook. I want to write a book and be some stranger across the world's woman crush wednesday. I want to be inspirational. really fucking inspirational. because i needed someone like this when i was younger. Be the person you needed when you were younger.

There is so many things I want to do. Even more than I listed. None of these things are going to happen overnight. They all will take a lot of hard work, time, and discipline. But what keeps me going is the little bits of progress that I make each and everyday.

Each time I talk to a peer about impact vs. intent. Each time I ask someone if "Retarded" was really the word they meant to say. Each time I challenge myself to do something I'm scared of or not comfortable with. I'm growing. I'm making a difference in myself and in others. Each time I show someone that I care or look them in the eyes and tell them that I appreciate them and that I'm here for them I'm doing something substantial.

So I guess when I start thinking that all these ambitious goals are a little far fetched I look at what I'm already doing to be who I want to be. And that keeps me going.

I'm so blessed to have this kind of outlook. Thank you to everyone who makes me think and challenges me to try. <3

Recovery

Things I've Learned SLASH Things I've Paid More Attention To Recently

1. Every rep counts.
It seems like something so simple and something so focused on exercise. When I say "every rep counts" I'm thinking of more than just exercise. Every thought you have counts. Every smile you give someone counts. Every time you hurt someone's feelings it counts. Every breath you take counts. EVERYTHING (every rep) counts. Nothing you do goes without consequences, repercussions, or notice.

2. Expectations are important.
If you expect yourself to do well 9 times out of 10 you will do better than you would have. Set high goals. It's okay if it takes you awhile to get there, as long as you get there.

3. Saying you don't have time for something is a cop out.
You have time for anything you prioritize. You might say you dont have time to clean your room. You do. You would rather do other things. You'd rather go to crossfit, sleep, be with humans, or anything else but if you're saying you dont have time for something thats not true. It's just not a priority of yours.

4. There is something about the word: Love.
Once you said it or really thought it there is no going back. You can be mad as hell at someone but if you loved them once you wont want to see them truly suffer. If you loved them ever or at all you will remember that eventually. Certain loved ones might become less important to you but in reality they will always be a part of who you are and someone you care about.

5. Recovery shakes post workout are awesome.
I used to be afraid of the extra calories. I didn't understand why someone would work so hard to burn them if they were just going to ingest them right after. I now understand that your body needs that nourishment or else you cant get better. All the work you just did was basically nothing. So eat/drink something full of macronutrients (protein, fat, and carbohydrates) after your workout. It will only help you.

6.  Find your happy medium
You only get one body so you should do your best to protect it. Invest in a good pair of shoes. Eat a wide variety of nutrients. Exercise. Have fun. Do something for you. Do something for others. Test your capabilities. Challenge your mind. But don't do to much. Learn your limits and learn how to increase your limits. Although you only have one body and you should be smart with it you should have much fun as possible. It's the fun you will remember later.

7. Well-being always out weighs waist size
Recently a wise college freshman told me, "thick thighs and a peaceful state of mind beat petite every time." I used to be skinnier, more petite, more of what the magazines might call beautiful but my mind was racing and my thoughts were destructive. She told me not to let society push anything on me. She was right. The only reason I thought what I looked like was more appealing was because that's what society has told me. Looking at old pictures of myself is a challenge but I'm working on it. I love how I am today. I love what my body can do. I love the endless gains I make in crossfit and the smile that comes to my face when I talk about it. I love that I've learned that I'm worth more than a number on the scale. Hell, I'm worth even more that the weight I can deadlift. I'm worth whatever I think I am and most of the time more than that. My well-being welcomes growth and ecstasy. My waist size is irrelevant.

Your waist size is irrelevant too.

One Year Down One Hundred to Go!

Heyyyyy! guess what last week was.

MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of being ED-free! A year of not completely obsessing about what I put into my body and how food is being used in my body. A year without overtraining, over eating, under eating, and neglecting myself. A year with friends who support me and family that cares. A year without missing out on the good things in life to make time for the destructive things. It's been a year of loving myself and everything around me. A year of appreciating what I've accomplished and learning what is still to come. I've picked up a sport that focuses on performance and not my body fat percentage. I've bought bigger clothes that don't pinch me and make me feel uncomfortable.I've surrounded myself with men and women who are more impressed with the amount of weight I can lift than the definition of my stomach. I've become very comfortable with my naked body and absolutely love walking around without my movement being restricted my clothes. I've learned new ways to cope with discomfort, stress, and even heart break. I've discovered that food is never the solution to anything besides hunger. But sometimes your mind will convince you that a sugary food is the only way to satisfy you.. I've learned that that is A-Okay and sometimes the way it has to be.

I've been intuitive eating for a year now. Which means I eat whatever I want when I want. Most of the time I want food that fuels me anyways so really it's been a good experience for my mind and my body. I highly HIGHLY recommend this way of eating (not diet) to anyone struggling with food issues (food issues could basically mean anything, therefore this is open to interpretation). Sooner or later I plan on changing my diet a wittle. Not because I think I need to be skinnier, not because I think changing the food that I eat will make me more attractive or desirable. I plan on changing it solely to make my crossfit dreams more of a reality. Eventually, probably pretty soon here. Whenever I think I'm ready. I'm doing to start eating cleaner. I expect my body to perform at it's highest level, which means it needs to have the energy to do so. I plan on eating as much healthy food as my body needs. This past year I've been making leaps and bounds in my life and in my physical performance. Why not make it easier for my body to bound? Don't get me wrong. I will still treat myself and give my body what it craves. But not to the extreme that I have been this past year.

It's been a wonderful year and I cant make it clear how grateful I am to experience life the way I have been.

Sometimes you need to experience darkness to appreciate the light.

Sometimes you need to take a risk and be someone you've never been to achieve something you never have.

I'm Learning Self Love and Self Lust every day.

Pretty Proud

Today I spoke at a "body acceptance week" event. It was my responsibility to facilitate a conversation around America's perceptions of beauty. When I first decided to be a speaker I assumed I would introduce myself as someone who had struggled with an eating disorder but when the time came to step up to that podium I wasn't sure if it was necessary for me to tell them that.

I walked up to the podium and left my note cards in my bag which was not even close to me. I did that on purpose. I didnt think I need them. After all they were just potential questions to ask the group. I introduced myself as Bre. after all that is who I am and who I always will be. That introduction was a given. What came next was the variable.

I said, "Hi im Bre, as Janelle said I am an Resident Assistant in Edwards Hall. But that doesn't really qualify me to be up here speaking to you. I'm up here because within this past year I have learned how to not only accept my body but respect it. That used to be really hard for me. I used to struggle with my eating disorder. But those days are over and im traveling down the road to recovery. Alright. How lets talk about America's perception of beauty."

My opening statement might not have been the smoothest. It might have been a little unnecessary to flaunt my recovery but I had to. It's something im really proud of. Talking to groups of people who are interested in challenging the definition of beauty is what I'd like to do for the rest of my life. I had to start somewhere so I started with "Hi I'm Bre." It was terrifying to stand in front of this group. When I looked down at the legs I used to be ashamed of I saw that they were trembling. Not from starvation but from anticipation and nerves. This shaking was a good shaking. A shaking that I earned.

It was a cool experience so I thought I'd share.

Be brave.

2014 Reebok Crossfit Open

Welllll... Everybody and their brother is posting about the Crossfit Open so I my as well join the club.

I've been doing Crossfit for 8 months now. I'm completely in love. Never have I ever been able to test myself the way Crossfit has let me. Never have I felt so spent, so strained, so trained. Never have I felt so fit, so ready to do anything. Never have I been so confident or proud of myself. Today a big big big part of my life revolves around crossfit and I am 100% okay with that.

This will be my first time competing in the open. I have almost no hope of making it to the South West Regionals which is a big part of competing in the open ( to get to regionals). I'm competing even though there is a 99% chance I wont make it to regionals .

You might be thinking that I'm not competitive. I am. This year just isn't all about competing. In fact, now that I think of it I don't think anything will ever be "just about competing." This year is about getting my feet wet. It's about the experience. Its about being a part of the crossfit community. Its knowing how far I've come and how far I can and will go. Possibly more than anything it's about the love I have for crossfit and for what it's done for me.

I'm going to try this year in the open that is for sure. But I'm going to try not to let my training slip just for the open. This year is more about preparation for next year than it is about rankings for this year.

Right now I'm right where I want to be and I'm sure that in a few years I will be right where I want to be too.

Do what you love and love the journey. Fall in love with the beat of your own heart.

Valentine's Day 2014

Guess what day it was yesterday.. I'll give you a hint, today is the 15th of February... CORRECT yesterday was Valentine's Day! I've never been one of those people who hates Valentines Day. I've never understood how hating something could make you feel any better. In fact, for me, hate hasn't cured anything ever. I believe in love. I believe in all types of love. I believe that love and passion can cure all.

Anyways, I didn't have a conventional date for Valentines Day this year... I know.. it's shocking.. But really, not having someone to cuddle on Valentines day was not awful. Not in the slightest. I had an unorthadox date for February 14th, 2014. I had a date with "Fran."

Fran is a one of the benchmark workouts for Crossfit. Apparently, at Wild Horizons Crossfit we do Fran every Valentines day. Who am I to mess with tradition? I was going to take Fran out for a night on the town just like all the other athletes at Wild Horizons Crossfit. This would be the first time I did Fran without scaling the workout (doing less than prescribed). In case you dont know, Fran is 21-15-9 of Thrusters 65/95 lbs and chin over bar pull-ups. Since this was my first true Fran I didn't know what to shoot for. Some of the elite Crossfit athletes can do Fran in a little over 2 mins. I knew that was to fast for me. I knew I wanted under eight because that's how fast I did it the first time when I scaled it. I arrived at the box and saw that the time cap for the workout was 6 minutes... It looks like I found a target to shot for.

I did Fran in the last heat of the day. Every single competive athlete around me was destined to finish in under 5 minutes, some of them under three. Some how I wound up in the most stacked heat of the day, which was totally fine, but their athleticism and history with crossfit did not go unnoticed.

3-2-1-GO! Fran began. 21 thrusters at 65 pounds. Not to difficult. They're just heavy wallballs. I'm the last one to finish in my heat but only by seconds (awesome start) I look up at the pull up bar and grab it. I start my pull ups. For some reason linking them just wasnt feeling right. So I just started doing singular pull ups to chip those 21 away slowly but surely. By the time I was done with my first 21 pull ups my coach and some of the other big boys were FINISHED with fran. THATS SO COOL!

I really do train with some incredible humans. Anyways before the first set of 21 pull ups was finished I'd ripped my hand.. Shit.. oh well. only like 50 more reps to go. Anyways.. I kept going. I looked to my friends for support. I could hear sounds of sweaty palms slapping together and the sound of me chocking on air. The sound of barbells crashing. The sound of athletes cheering. This is my home and I just love it. Eventually the 6th minute finishes and I drop to the floor..  I look to my peers almost in tears and hear jenna ask how many more reps I have. I spit out the word "nine" and she tells me to finish. I do 3 pull ups and tell her "I.. I.. feel like" and she tells me to do 3 more. I do. And say "I'm going to puke" she says do 3 more. I do.. As I lay on the ground by the pull up bars a guy comes over and tells me that I'm an inspiration, that watching me was inspiring.. Nothing picks me off the ground faster than beautiful words like that. :)

 I live for that. I love hearing that i've inspired. That I've made a difference. That maybe later when they aren't feeling strong they'll think of me. Maybe thats why I try so hard. I crave someone telling me something like that. I crave the feeling of knowing I went hard and knowing what I just did was damn impressive.

So I didn't have a legit date for Valentines day.. And I'm more than alright with that. I have a date with Crossfit everyday and I cherish every moment with her. If you haven't seen me roaming about a crossfit gym after an incredible workout then you haven't seen me at all. If you haven't seen my eyes light up when I talk about crossfit you haven't seen my eyes.

Forever loving Fran

New tattoo/Meaning

I got a new tattoo. I absolutely love it! It's a rainbow trout. 

Thats what I tell people when I show them my new tattoo. Then they usually tell me how they think it looks cool and that they like all the colors. Then they usually ask me what it means. For me, tattoos don't just have one meaning. The meaning can change from day to day, instance to instance, and even second to second. I'd rather ask them "What do you think it should mean? If this was on your body right now what would you associate it with? What does the purple signify? Why a trout? Why make it so vibrant?" Numerous people have asked me why I got this and what does it mean and every person gets a different story, a different meaning. 

Sometimes I look down at my foot and see beauty. I see how pretty the artwork on my foot is. I see all the time and planning the artist took on it. Sometimes I look down and see tolerance- I had to tolerate a lot of pain to get this permanently on my body. Sometimes I look down and see the friends that held my hand and hung out with me in the tattoo parlor for hours. Sometimes I see the rainbow and to me that triggers thoughts of identities, identities that I hold and that others hold, identities that I'm proud of, identities that aren't plain to see. Sometimes I see the fish and see it's will, it's courage. Also, have you seen a fish move? It's a thing of wonder. There are tons of other meanings I could assoiciate this tattoo with. There is not just one meaning.

But really, One SUPER VALID reason I thought this tattoo would be awesome is because when I stick my foot underwater I can trick people(even lifeguards) that there is a fish in the water! 

Love, 

Bre

Breakable

This is a cop out beginning to a blog post.. I apologize for not blogging lately. I've been busy and also I wasn't sure if what I was feeling was meant for this blog. I often have that happen. I experience something that is deep and possibly blog worthy and then I chicken out and down post it. I'm not always as audacious as I make myself seem. There is things I dont post on here because of what other's might think. This blog isn't just something that strangers read. A lot of people I know read it. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that the majority of views I get come from people I know. I dont think thats a good or bad thing but it does make me think twice, and sometimes even thrice before I write a blog post about something. I'm sure this hesitation makes for a less interesting blog but I'm sure you, a very worldly human, can understand that not everything I experience ends up on the internet.

To be honest, I'm not even completely sure what this blog is about anymore. It's kind of just turned into a place where I write my thoughts. Usually these thoughts have something to do with crossfit or bulimia but lately I've been thinking more about relationships. I haven't been posting those thoughts on here but in reality I need a place to process so this blog might become an outlet for that. Just a heads up. All is fair in love and blogging... ( I think that's how the quote goes).

Alright lets get real. After all it wouldn't be a worthwhile blogging sesh if I didnt get something off my chest. In the past year I've had like three failed relationships. I mean, I absolutely learning something from each of them but still 3 or maybe even 4 failed relationships in less than a year seems like a shitty record to be holding. I've noticed that I was the one who ended all but one. For awhile that one relationship that I had minimal control over got to me. I'd be lying if I said it didnt still get to me. That relationship taught me how much I HATE being out of control. feeling powerless is something I've never been used to. Thats what diet and exercise is.. control over your body. Anyways, to this day I dont know if its the girl that I miss or the feeling of having control.

Since then I've been dating and thinging around. There's really nothing wrong with that but I'm not actually sure thats what I want. I flirt with everyone, I dont need to go on a date to do that. I think I'd rather just have a stable relationship to depend on rather than fun little dates. Since that one relationship that I didnt end I've been the one doing all the ending. I've been the one backing out without really giving them a chance. I backout, then I apologize for the way I handled it, but not for the way I was feeling or the words I said, then I expect things to go back to the way things were before I stuck my foot in my mouth. Welll, they dont go back to the way things were. It turns out that not everyone is willing to let themselves be vulnerable with someone more than once. My therapist says that's normal and that is them being smart, instinctual, and protective. I now realize that in order for someone to realize that you are actually "sorry" you have to make yourself more than vunerable. You have to give them the opportunity to absolutely crush you. And if you aren't willing to put yourself in that kind of position then you probably arent as "sorry" as you say you are. And you probably dont want them back as much as you say you do. If they end up crushing you. Sit with it. Feel it. Let it happen and dont try to crawl backwards. you should never feel sorry for letting your feelings flow. You should be proud that you took that step because most wouldn't have.

The only way to make real, lasting connections is to let yourself be breakable.

Talking About The Tough Stuff

Talking about the hard stuff.. It's FUCKING HARD!

"No one said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it." said someone who was spot on!

Talking about the tough stuff is awful. At least in the beginning. It's awkward and difficult. You choke a little each time you try to tell someone whats been eating you up inside. You cant help but be mad that the person you're telling cant read your mind. you just want it to be over. Maybe you dont even care if they know you just dont know how to say it.


I didn't used to talk about the tough stuff but now I do. I used to ignore what I was thinking, feeling, and wanting. I used to act like everything was great and I was living the perfect life. I don't act anymore. I've become honest. If I like you, you know it because I've told you. If I love you, I've said it. I've probably also written you something so sweet that you cried a little. If I'm feeling pissy or just in a bad mood, I've made it very clear, in fact I've probably also said something along the lines of "I'm in a terrible mood. No seriously, do not touch me." If you've done something to hurt me or just something that I cant stand I wont try to stand it. I will let you know how much you messed up. If I want to cry, I cry. I dont try to hide it.

I do all of this because I spent years of my life not talking about how I was thinking, feeling, and wanting. All this not talking eventually turned into disordered eating and then into almost indestructible habits. Talking about stuff has saved my life.

There is nothing wrong with having feelings and talking about them with a loved one or a therapist.

You cant get over something until you wade neck deep in it and almost drown.

Talk about the tough stuff. Be brave. Be bold. Be you.

Accepting Your Athletic Body. Pros/Cons of Being JACKED!

Hey there,

So I just read this awesome article about "accepting your crossfit body." Here it is: http://liferxd.com/2013/11/20/accepting-my-crossfit-body/


Anyays, you can read it. I recommend it but you dont have to. I'm going to tell you a bit about it anyways.

Basically the article was about accepting all that comes with crossfit and accepting what it does to your body. This article is more geared towards women but in reality it could be useful for men as well depending on how you see yourself. It talks about things from callused hands to triceps that are visible through a shirt. As a woman growing up in a society that bowed down to the slender women I've thought a lot about the aftermath of lifting heavy. I might get bigger.. At first that scared me. Now it doesn't. It's actually really hard to gain size. In fact if you are a female crossfitter you actually have to TRY to gain muscle mass if thats what you want. Santa doesn't bring muscular thighs and a round ass for Christmas. You're going to have to lift a lot of weight and eat a lot to build up those muscles! So I guess what I'm saying is that crossfit wont make you gain a ton of weight. And even if it did... Crossfit makes it show in beautiful ways. The key is body acceptance and self love.

The article talked about female athletes who have a hard time finding clothes that "fit" them the way they want them to. I've been an athlete almost my entire life and I'm very familiar with the jeans that that are tight in the thighs and huge in the waist. There has been times I could've stored a honey dew melon in the front of my waist band but puting on leggings under my jeans would've been out of the question. I used to complain about that and hate that my thighs are that big. Today I realize that I would way rather have those musularly thick thighs than any others. Those thighs and probably some more muscle is whats going to help me squat over 200 pounds. If that means that when I wear jeans I will also have to wear a belt, so be it.

The article talked about getting black heads and clogged pores from the dirty mats we sometimes lay our bodies on. I guess all I have to say about that is love what you do and accept all that comes with it. if you're a cross country runner love your foot calluses because they protect your feet and fight against blisters. If you're a tennis player love your hugely muscular shoulders because they allow you to win matches and they to protect against injury. Love whatever your love brings whether that be zits, calluses, sore muscles, ripped clothes, or even less leisure time because you chose this life for a reason.

Overall, I guess what I'm saying is that overtime crossfit is going to make me abnormally muscular and a spectacle for non crossfitters to gocke at. I'm completely fine with the fact that I wont look like an average american woman. I'm fine with this because I have no desire to be an AVERAGE american woman. I want to be elite in every aspect of my life that is important to me. If im going to be an elite crossfitter im going to need to rock an elite body. Bring on the clothes that dont fit perfectly and the abnormal body. I want my life just the way I like it way more than I want to look perfect.


Rock what you got! and if God blessed you with muscles that do work flaunt them. Also remember that no one judges you as hard as you do. Treat yourself the way you would treat your bestfriend and you will never suffer from self hatred.

Grow a pair......       of biceps.


Love all around