Hello!
So here is some background knowledge about myself. I work at an environmental kids summer camp. It's great fun. I used to purge breakfast, drink some coffee, then go to work. I'd pack a small lunch that would never suffice. I always thought that "Hey, maybe today I won't be hungry. Maybe today I will finally have the willpower to not need food.." Well as you could've guessed that never happened and I was always left hungry and urging to binge and purge. I'd go through my dad exhausted yet trying so hard to get as much running around with the kids as possible. Even If I didn't want to.
Anyways, today was the first day of camp this summer. I woke up ate breakfast, DIGESTED IT, packed a SUFFICIENT lunch, and went to work. Through out the day I was happy and healthy. I was friendlier to my coworkers and my "students." It was a phenomenal change. I was a much better employee, example, and friend today all because I respected my body.
I notice changes in my mood daily. I just keep getting happier and happier because I'm so pleased with the progress I've made.
Take you baby steps and put them in your successes jar because you are doing something amazing.
Live Long instead of Living Little. <3
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Monday, May 27, 2013
Daddy Issues? Not Today
Greetings! - Happy Memorial Day!
So today I went sporting clay shooting with my dad. My dad and I have had some good times and some bad times. We've gotten to the point of holding knifes on one another... I know that sounds incredibly scary but we were in the heat of the moment. There was a year when I hated him and felt uncomfortable being in the same room as him just because I knew that at any minute he could SNAP! But since I've left for college we've gotten completely civil. We rarely get in disagreements let alone heated arguments. I think it's because he realized that living without me in his life just isn't the same. I'm not sure if i will ever forgive him for the words he has said to me but right here and now we are doing just fine and I look forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Strange but true.
So last night I think I ate to much. In the past I would've purged and or had a vigorous workout to get rid of the extra calories. Not today my friends. Today I had some breakfast went shooting with my pops which is moderate exercise to say the most and then came home and ate some lunch. I will probably workout later but I wont be to erase what I ate it will be to relax and enjoy the endorphins coursing through my veins and unclogged arteries.
It's days like this that I appreciate recovery more than normal. If I wasn't recovered I wouldn't be able to tolerate my dad. I'd be to insecure and to full of hate. ED is hard on all relationships.
Appreciate each day. Cherish the moments you have with the people you love. Forgive and let live.
<3
Bre : 1 Ed: None
So today I went sporting clay shooting with my dad. My dad and I have had some good times and some bad times. We've gotten to the point of holding knifes on one another... I know that sounds incredibly scary but we were in the heat of the moment. There was a year when I hated him and felt uncomfortable being in the same room as him just because I knew that at any minute he could SNAP! But since I've left for college we've gotten completely civil. We rarely get in disagreements let alone heated arguments. I think it's because he realized that living without me in his life just isn't the same. I'm not sure if i will ever forgive him for the words he has said to me but right here and now we are doing just fine and I look forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Strange but true.
So last night I think I ate to much. In the past I would've purged and or had a vigorous workout to get rid of the extra calories. Not today my friends. Today I had some breakfast went shooting with my pops which is moderate exercise to say the most and then came home and ate some lunch. I will probably workout later but I wont be to erase what I ate it will be to relax and enjoy the endorphins coursing through my veins and unclogged arteries.
It's days like this that I appreciate recovery more than normal. If I wasn't recovered I wouldn't be able to tolerate my dad. I'd be to insecure and to full of hate. ED is hard on all relationships.
Appreciate each day. Cherish the moments you have with the people you love. Forgive and let live.
<3
Bre : 1 Ed: None
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Today's feelings
Good day viewers!
Today is Sunday so it's sort of a lazy day. Your definition of a lazy day could be different from my definition of a lazy day and that my friend is A-Okay! See what I did there? Anyways, my definition of a lazy day is getting up without an alarm and having tentative plans for the rest of the day. Another definition of a lazy day could be a day when you don't really leave your couch except to make food and have bowel movements.
Today I woke up, ate a healthy breakfast, drank a cup of coffee, watched the second half of "What Women Want," tried on some of my own jeans, and then actually started my day. I probably should've skipped trying on the jeans. I'm not sure if you have have struggled with an ED but you've probably had some experience with weight gain and weight loss. For me trying on unforgiving clothes is usually depressing. I'm not sure why I decided to day was a good day to upset myself, but I did. Shit! I think I did it because what I really wanted to do was jump on the scale. I KNEW that weighing myself would be an awful idea because every time I do I end up on the verge of tears. So Yay me for not weighing myself. Weight is simply a number and should not define how I feel about myself. That is why I don't weigh.
Now that I tried on theses jeans and they didn't fit I'm feeling let down. I feel that because I've been working out and eating enough but not to much I should be thrilled with my shape. That is not the case today and it is quite the bummer. As of now I'm trying to turn my day around and not focus on the way my jeans fit. The way that my jeans sit on my lower body says nothing about the day I should have and the things I should accomplish. I have my whole life ahead of me. I can choose to thrive or I can choose to focus on my pants size.
I choose to thrive.
Me: thriving ED: dying
Today is Sunday so it's sort of a lazy day. Your definition of a lazy day could be different from my definition of a lazy day and that my friend is A-Okay! See what I did there? Anyways, my definition of a lazy day is getting up without an alarm and having tentative plans for the rest of the day. Another definition of a lazy day could be a day when you don't really leave your couch except to make food and have bowel movements.
Today I woke up, ate a healthy breakfast, drank a cup of coffee, watched the second half of "What Women Want," tried on some of my own jeans, and then actually started my day. I probably should've skipped trying on the jeans. I'm not sure if you have have struggled with an ED but you've probably had some experience with weight gain and weight loss. For me trying on unforgiving clothes is usually depressing. I'm not sure why I decided to day was a good day to upset myself, but I did. Shit! I think I did it because what I really wanted to do was jump on the scale. I KNEW that weighing myself would be an awful idea because every time I do I end up on the verge of tears. So Yay me for not weighing myself. Weight is simply a number and should not define how I feel about myself. That is why I don't weigh.
Now that I tried on theses jeans and they didn't fit I'm feeling let down. I feel that because I've been working out and eating enough but not to much I should be thrilled with my shape. That is not the case today and it is quite the bummer. As of now I'm trying to turn my day around and not focus on the way my jeans fit. The way that my jeans sit on my lower body says nothing about the day I should have and the things I should accomplish. I have my whole life ahead of me. I can choose to thrive or I can choose to focus on my pants size.
I choose to thrive.
Me: thriving ED: dying
First post- honesty
Hello!
I'm really excited about starting this blog. I made it last night and was to tired to actually write something worth reading. Usually I would write something super upbeat and inspirational for my first post. In a perfect world I'd get you excited about learning to love yourself. But this morning I'm not quite feeling super upbeat and inspirational. I'm going to be very honest on this blog because if I wasn't it wouldn't be doing me or anyone else any good.
I think being honest is a huge part of eating disorder (ed) recovery and learning love and lust yourself. If you're lying to yourself and others you won't get anywhere. Even little white lies like when someone asks, "How are you doing?" and you say "Oh! I'm doing well." If you are not doing well you shouldn't lie and say that you are. Be honest with them. Tell them that today is a rough body day tell them that you are frustrated because you're wearing shorts and when you walk you feel your thighs touching. The person asking you the simple question of "How are you doing?" may or may not want to hear all of that but its whatever. YOU feel better from getting that off your chest, maybe a little embarrassed but you're proud of your piercing honesty.
You: 1, ED: 0
Be honest and feel the empowerment.
I'm really excited about starting this blog. I made it last night and was to tired to actually write something worth reading. Usually I would write something super upbeat and inspirational for my first post. In a perfect world I'd get you excited about learning to love yourself. But this morning I'm not quite feeling super upbeat and inspirational. I'm going to be very honest on this blog because if I wasn't it wouldn't be doing me or anyone else any good.
I think being honest is a huge part of eating disorder (ed) recovery and learning love and lust yourself. If you're lying to yourself and others you won't get anywhere. Even little white lies like when someone asks, "How are you doing?" and you say "Oh! I'm doing well." If you are not doing well you shouldn't lie and say that you are. Be honest with them. Tell them that today is a rough body day tell them that you are frustrated because you're wearing shorts and when you walk you feel your thighs touching. The person asking you the simple question of "How are you doing?" may or may not want to hear all of that but its whatever. YOU feel better from getting that off your chest, maybe a little embarrassed but you're proud of your piercing honesty.
You: 1, ED: 0
Be honest and feel the empowerment.
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