Cliche but Okay Thanksgiving Post

Happy Thanksgiving! -its a day late because I decided to start the post on thanksgiving and end it the day after.

So I realize that everybody and their brother, sister, mother, and friend are posting about what they are thankful for. Tis the season to be thankful, jolly, and pleasant! Not that we shouldn't be like that every day in every way but this is the season that we make sure we have expressed how thankful and happy we are. There is really nothing wrong with that. Just because someone posts about how great everything is going and how much they appreciate their loved ones around the holidays doesn't mean that they aren't just as appreciative year round. Anyways, I'm going to talk a little bit about what I am thankful for focusing mostly on what has changed since I've began recovery and why is this Thanksgiving different than years past.

The things I'm thankful for are not going in any specific order.

1. I'm thankful for my psych and nutrition counselors who have talked me out of my old self hating ways. Without their help I'm sure It would've taken me a lot longer to be where I'm at today. I don't want to say that they did all the work but without them it would've been near impossible.

2. Snowballing off of #1, I'm thankful for my own mind. I'm thankful that I had the determination, gusto, willpower, courage, audacity, and everything else that it took for me to give up my ED. If you haven't had an ED you might not realize what a security blanket it is. At sometimes it even feels like your ED keeps you safe. I'm glad I had what it takes to take a risk. That leap of faith that I took will forever benefit me because at the end of each day I realize that I've already accomplished something that I believed to be impossible.

3. My friends. Especially my college friends. The ones I see almost everyday for 9 months out of the year. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for everyone of my buds but these friends in particular influence me hardcore. I can be so honest with these people. They know every bright and dark thought that passes through my head. I don't need to filter myself when I'm around them. In fact, they think it's weird if I'm filtering in the slightest. I tell them when I'm love sick. home sick, plain sick, sick and tired of something, or even sick of something I love. They support me. They care about me. Not a day goes by when I don't feel welcome. My roommate katy especially makes my head spin. Everyday I wonder how someone got to be as spectacular as her. She is the most accepting soul I've met. She makes me feel unconditionally loved (we all know how important that is). She tells me everyday how proud of me she is. I couldn't ask for a better person to hang out with everyday. Just love.

4. I'm thankful for the people who smile at me as I walk by. You know, the cheerful people. The ones who appear to be carefree even though we know that's impossible. I'm thankful for the ones who are outgoing enough to put themselves out there even if it is only a smile, wave, or head nod as I walk by. Every time I pass a wonderful person like this I'm thankful because I know their smiles are contagious and the happiness will spread like wildfire. To all you smilers out there, just know that you matter.

5. My family who is helping me go to CSU. Without CSU I don't think I would've gotten the recovery jumpstart that I needed. My family helps me both financially and emotionally. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that their is small army rooting for me at all times. It't not the money that I'm focusing on with this thank you. It's the belief in me that they all posses. It's the acceptance that I will do what I want to do and the only two options you have is to accept it or walk. I appreciate everything about your thought processes, encouragement, and sometimes criticism.

6. We all knew it was coming.. CROSSFIT! Crossfit shows me every single day that to perform and I mean truly perform you need to fuel your body correctly. You need to eat what your body craves and not so much what your mind craves. If I don't refuel after a workout I know I wont be performing at my best the next day or even the next workout. I've learned that fuel, rest, and recuperation are huge components of fitness. Without Crossfit shredding my muscles It probably would've taken me a lot longer to figure that out.

7. The Crossfit Community. SO. MUCH. LOVE. I've now been a member of 2 different boxes. Both boxes have excellent communities anchored to them. The people are so helpful and encouraging. It's the only sport I've been a part of where the coaches care more about you than they do your performance. The members of theses boxes have invited me over for meals, driven me to competitions and to classes, and invited me to be a part of their special training programs. A huge number of people i've met through crossfit have taken me under their wing in some form or another. I love you guys and am so glad I found my fitness family.

8. Im grateful that this year I've learned to have an open mind. People have taught me that just because you thought something at one point doesn't mean that stays true forever. I've learned that our personalities, values, traits, sexuality, and everything else is changing constantly. I've learned that if someone doesn't accept you for who you are they have no business being a part of your life. I've become more true and accepting of myself. I've learned not to dismiss something just because its out of the ordinary. I've learned that abnormal is fairly normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

9. In case you weren't catching the hints I was throwing your way in #8, I'm thankful that I'm openminded enough to be gay. I'm glad I don't have to limit myself to just boys or just girls just men or just women. I'm glad I met a girl so cool that it didn't matter that she was a girl. It's cool that I can see someone for their inner beauty and not for their genitalia. It's cool that even though I'm half way terrified to post this that I will have the strength to post it anyways.

I'm thankful for so much. Thanks for reading. Hopefully you're thankful too!

Have a wonderful day.

A Change In Perspective

So we idolize those who have accomplished a great deal. People become famous by others hearing their name. People get attention for doing astonishing things.

This past weekend I saw my first crossfit competition. This competition just happened to be the largest in Colorado. This means that the majority of competitors are zoned to compete in the South West region while trying to qualify for the Reebok Crossfit Games.

It was crazy to see women from my gym that I view as complete badass athletes get smoked by other competitors in some workouts and then see that same woman who got smoked almost catch that same competitor in another workout. This is just an example that different people are better at different things when it comes to crossfit. Some athletes love to pull heavy weights and other athletes like to move their body weight. Simple as that.

Anyways, back to the main point of this post. We look up to people for what they've done. I automatically looked up to Natalie Mclain because she competed in the 2013 games. I didnt expect the women from my box that were competing at the pro level to do close to as well at Natalie because they've been to regionals and not quite to the games. This was a misconception. A woman from my Colorado Box placed 5th overall in the pro division. Her name is Nell Campbell. That's only 2 placed behind Natalie Mclain. It just goes to show that even though someone isn't famous in yet doesnt mean they should be overlooked. In crossfit and probably in many other sports athletes can come out of the wood works and do great things.


Great job to all competitors this weekend. If you've been overlooked just do well and make your accomplishments that much more sweet and exciting.

Nell Campbell from Wild Horizons Crossfit

Nell again, Who knows, next year could be her time to shine at the games! 

Fangirl

I am a HUGE crossfit fan girl. I have little scream attacks when games athletes favorite my tweets, like something a posted about them on Facebook, or basically anything that involves them acknowledging my existence. I just think they are so cool! They get to do what they love and be close to the best at it. Some of them even get paid to rep different products from T-shirts to nutrition supplements. The day someone asks if they need to pay me to wear a T-shirt will be a day my jaw drops.

I have absolutely no shame about being a fangirl. I admire these men and women and I'd like them to know that people like me are profoundly affected by them. My friend, Natalie Hanson (the strongest woman in alaska) says that I shouldn't put them to high on a pedistal because in reality they are my peers. They are fellow crossfit athletes. They've just had more experience than I have. She has a good point. They are my peers. But I still admire them more than the average joe walking around. They can do incredible things. This weekend I met Natalie Mclain. I recognized her the second I saw her. I was a little starstruck.. Before I even saw her compete I had devised a plan to ask her to take a picture with me. This 5'1" 120 lb powerhouse was killing it. She was pulling sleds loaded with more than her body weight faster than women with 40 lbs more muscle. She was jerking a log over her head that equaled her body weight 3,4,5 more times than other women competing pro. Why wouldn't I want to meet this woman and ask for a picture?

I'm a fangirl and I probably will be forever. That's fine by me.

Natalie Mclain and I at the turkey challenge 2013 after her first workout. She ended up taking 3rd in the pro women division. I took #1 spectator. 

Do You Have A Six-Pack?

Hi! So today I'd like to talk to you about a question that I get quite a lot. This is usually how the conversation goes give or take a few declarations.

Them: Oh, so you workout right?
Me: Yes
Them: Like, what do you do when you go to the gym?
Me: Well, I don't really go to the gym much anymore. I go to Crossfit instead.
Them: OH CROSSFIT? Thats crazy, I could never do that.
Me: Yeah, it's pretty tough but I have full confidence that you would survive one of their workouts. Give it a try you'll fall in love.
Them: Oh maybe
Me: No really, Crossfit has changed my life.
Them: Yeah? That's really cool... DO YOU HAVE A SIX-PACK?! (with a huge smile on their face)
Me:That's not really the point. My reasons for doing Crossfit and anything else is to be my best.
Them: but DO YOU HAVE A SIX-PACK?
Me: No...



Much of the people in developed countries view health and exercise in the wrong fashion. They are seeing it as a way to get cut and not as a way to be healthy. Having a six-pack is not the epidimy of health, or even fitness for that matter.

I used to exercise to look fit. Now I exercise to BE fit. Fitness is not measured by your body fat percentage, your BMI, or the definition on your tummy. Fitness is measured by progress. If you used to run a 10 minute mile and now you run a 8 minute mile you are probably fitter. If in the past you couldn't do a muscle up and now you can then you have probably gotten fitter, or at least improved on your technique. I'd rather be able to go 50 GHD sit-ups unbroken than have a rippling tummy. You could have a six-pack strictly through genetics. That's great! But for that to be impressive in the athletic word that hard body of yours better be able to move some weight. Definition without strength and efficiency means nothing to me.

So when you hear that I workout and the first thing you ask is whether or not I have a 6-pack you should expect to hear about how fitness is not measured by aesthetics but rather by progression and abilities.

A Survival Story: Academic Insanity

Hello my dearest readers!

So this past week was absolute academic insanity. I had three papers, three quizzes, two exams, and probably other things I've blocked out of my mind because I just cant think about them anymore. All the CRAP I listed above was due in the same week. 

Granted, I should've started writing those 5 page research papers earlier butttt I was just to busy living my life! To busy doing everything I wanted to. Looking back I'm alright with the somewhat stressful week I had because I still got to let out my frustrations at Crossfit. I was alright with the somewhat stressful week I had because I had friends and even family my family in Alaska to support me. I am truly blessed. 

Anyways.. I just wanted to point out how terrible my week would've been if I was still binging and purging like 5 times a day. There would have been NO time for me to accomplish everything I wanted to. For me, the whole binging and purging cycle took on average 45 minutes. That's like 4 hours of my day spent stuffing my face and then gagging over a toilet.. what? you didn't like that image? Well, me either.. That's why I needed to change. Instead of stuffing and gagging I went through my week like a normal person. I wrote until a couldn't anymore and then I took a break whether it be cuddling with a friend, chatting with a friend, wrestling my roommate, checking social media, watching Netflix, taking a walk, going to the gym even if it was just for half an hour, or lifting heavy things at Crossfit. What I didn't do when I was stressed and needed a break was eat. Food is comforting sometimes. But you know what isn't comfortable? having an eating disorder. That's not comfortable in the slightest. Stress induced eating is a few steps maybe even a leap away from disordered eating. Don't say I didn't warn you. 

Welp, that's about all I have for now. Thanks for always being there guys... Just seeing that people are actually reading my blog gives me a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. Just knowing that people care how I'm doing or just want to see what others are going through on the daily makes me grin. 

Although I probably only know about half of the people who read my blog just know that you are appreciated. You make my days even better. 

Love <3