Today's feelings

Good day viewers!

Today is Sunday so it's sort of a lazy day. Your definition of a lazy day could be different from my definition of a lazy day and that my friend is A-Okay! See what I did there? Anyways, my definition of a lazy day is getting up without an alarm and having tentative plans for the rest of the day. Another definition of a lazy day could be a day when you don't really leave your couch except to make food and have bowel movements.

Today I woke up, ate a healthy breakfast, drank a cup of coffee, watched the second half of "What Women Want," tried on some of my own jeans, and then actually started my day. I probably should've skipped trying on the jeans. I'm not sure if you have have struggled with an ED but you've probably had some experience with weight gain and weight loss. For me trying on unforgiving clothes is usually depressing. I'm not sure why I decided to day was a good day to upset myself, but I did. Shit! I think I did it because what I really wanted to do was jump on the scale. I KNEW that weighing myself would be an awful idea because every time I do I end up on the verge of tears. So Yay me for not weighing myself. Weight is simply a number and should not define how I feel about myself. That is why I don't weigh.

Now that I tried on theses jeans and they didn't fit I'm feeling let down. I feel that because I've been working out and eating enough but not to much I should be thrilled with my shape. That is not the case today and it is quite the bummer. As of now I'm trying to turn my day around and not focus on the way my jeans fit. The way that my jeans sit on my lower body says nothing about the day I should have and the things I should accomplish. I have my whole life ahead of me. I can choose to thrive or I can choose to focus on my pants size.

I choose to thrive.

Me: thriving ED: dying