Halloween Costumes

It's Halloween!

When I was a youngster I used to love dressing up for Halloween. I didn't care what I looked like what-so-ever. I had no perception of my body. I saw Halloween for what it was, a chance to dress up and get free candy and the occasional toothbrush. 

Then I hit whatever age and my friends and I were a little old to be trick or treating. So I didn't do anything special for the 31st of October. 

Then high school came around and with high school came parties. More specifically Halloween parties.  Sounds fun right? Not so much for someone who fakes a smile every time she looks in the mirror. I was what 16? 17? I was expected to show some skin... I'm not saying I planned on dressing like a playboy bunny but I couldn't be a "snowboarder" like I had been in 4th, 5th, and 6th grade!

Have you seen Mean Girls? Oh, of course you have! and if you haven't please stop reading this post, watch it, laugh historically, and then come back to read the rest of the post. Anyways, high school Halloween parties are almost exactly like the Halloween party in Mean Girls. I shit you not, girls think its alright to come as some sort of animal with lingerie and some face paint. I was nooooooot about to do that. 

1) my dad might cry

2) I wasn't trying to get hypothermia in alaska in late October

AND 

3) I was not comfortable in my skin once so ever. 

End of the story I decided to be a female peter pan. It worked out. At the time I thought I was obese but looking back I was adorable and glad a best friend made me take pictures with her. 

Tonight. 2-3 years later it's Halloween. Earlier today I wasn't sure If I'd dress up. I'm more comfortable with my body now then I was then by like a bajillion but still I wasn't sure if Id find a costume that I felt comfortable in. I decided not to go out.. But I did put on a costume and strut around the dorms for a bit. I decided that I am way to recovered to be self conscious. I rocked this year's bat man costume. At first I looked in the mirror and immediately say my thick thighs. My first thought was "ummm yeah, nice try bre but no.." and my second thought was "Bre, you're seeing things. You look good! You worked for those thighs! They are built of muscle and preserverance." Thats why I decided that I should treat Halloween like I did as a youngster. I had fun playing dress up. And even though my first thought was whoa... my second thought made up for it. 

Enjoy Holidays for what they are. Time with your friends and family. No one cares what you look like except you. Leave the critiquing to the judges of America's Next Top Model. 

Love yourself. 

attraction goes beyond a size 6

Hiiiiiii :)



So its definently been to long since I have posted I I'm sorry! I've been extremely busy with school, work, crossfit, friends, and keeping in touch with family. That's the only excuse I have but in all honesty there were times when I had time to post but decided against it be cause I was pooooooped!

I'm still doing very well by the way! Still not bingeing or purging. Still exercising but not super excessively. Admittingly maybe a bit more than I should. But I was trying something new. I was trying crossfit 2 a days 6 days a week. Today before I started the WOD I realized that I've been doing to much and I will switch back to one crossfit workout a day! I've been experimenting with my body these past few months trying to decipher the optimal amount of exercise to give it per day. What I've found out thus far is my body cant handle 2 a days everyday and thats A-OKAY!                 Alright back to how I'm doing. I'm loving my body more and more each day. I've come to be comfortable in my own skin and it feels tremendous. If you aren't there right now I suggest you get there! I'm not telling you to diet harder or exercise like a goon. I'm just telling you to appreciate your body for what it is... beautiful. Thats right every body and everybody is beautiful no matter what size they wear. I finally understand what "more to love" means. Just because someone isn't incredibly fit doesn't mean that they are any less attractive. I used to be revolted by obese and some overweight people depending on how they were proportioned. Today I am attracted to people of all shapes and sizes. Sure my eyes still drift towards those hard bodies but the more I look at anyone of any size I see how attractive they are. Maybe you don't look like you want to. Thats fine. I guarantee if someone isn't as shallow and I used to be they will see your allure. Just know that no matter what you are one hot mama.

I guess what I'm saying is you never know who is looking at you. You never know the impact you have on someone's day just for being confident in your own skin, stretch marks or otherwise.

Love Always.

Research and Seeking Help

Hey pretty! 

So I was doing some research on Eating Disorders because I'm going to give a presentation on them in my mentoring class. My thoughts were that I will just use this mandatory presentation to educate the mentors on eating disorders. As I started researching I can't say that I was incredibly surprised by the statistics I found but they were pretty profound. I just wanted to share some of them with you. 

Here goes nothing. 

95% of those with an ED are between the ages of 12 and 26... I was 13 when I started to control my weight in an unhealthy way. 

Over 50% of teenaged girls and 30% of teenaged boys use unhealthy weight control techniques. What does that mean? For example they might skip meals, fast, vomit after eating, take laxatives, or smoke cigarettes to suppress hunger. 

Females ages 15-24 are 12 times more likely to die before the age of 24 than girls without an ED... THATS RIGHT... DEATH

Only 10% of people with EDs receive treatment.. 

Can you believe that stuff? It's absolutely insane.. Especially the last statistic about hardly anyone receiving treatment. I guess I believe it though.. I had an eating disorder for almost 5 years before I had the courage to tell someone. I was ashamed. I didn't want to be a disappointment. I'm sure that's how many people with eating disorders feel.. It's not a glamorous mental illness that everyone and their grandmother wants to have. It's stigmatized. I'm really proud of myself and anyone else who has sought guidance. It's hard but in my eyes it's the absolute best shot you have at recovery. BE BRAVE! Tell a loved on at least. Hopefully they encourage you to seek professional care. Remember, professionals are just that... they are professional! It is their job to help you, to make you feel safe. Trust them. Trust me. Get help. Make a better statistic...

This post was really just supposed to be a few facts about eating disorders and it turned into much more. The point is... Own your problems. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Do something worthwhile. Don't give up on yourself. Believe me I wanted to sometimes. But everyday since my recovery process started I've thanked myself for hanging in there. If I didn't I wouldn't be hear preaching to you. 

You can do more than you already are. You can do whatever you REALLY want to... I know its a cliche, but it's the truth.. 

<3 

Defining Beauty

Pretty much spot on. Please watch and understand why CrossFit has stollen my heart. 

http://youtu.be/CDXxURPagpM

Doing it the wrong/right way. Part 2

Continuation of my last post.


Last time I tried to change my body I did it in the worst way possible. This time around I'm doing it right. I'm changing my diet just a little and doing cross fit along with just a little supplemental work.

My diet is basic outline made for a woman my height, my weight, and my body composition. The goal of this body change is not to lose weight and look bomb in a bikini in front of a bunch of high schoolers. The goal this time is improved strength and endurance. In fact that is what this change in diet is made to do. Not make me gain or lose fat or muscle but to make me a better athlete.It's just a no brainer that by eating a little cleaner and exercising like I have been the past three months will bring about positive changes in my body.

This time around I'm doing it differently. I'm doing it for me and not for my peers. I'm doing it so I can get my first muscle up and every single muscle up after that for the rest of my life. I'm doing it the right way because it is sustainable. I'm not trying to weigh 116 pounds again.. I'm just fine with hanging out at my current weight of 155 pounds. I wouldn't even care if I gained a few pounds as long as it made me better at what I love to do.

During my body building days I could probably deadlift 145 lbs.
2 weeks ago I maxed out at 1 rep of 265 lbs and I bet I could lift even more now.

The point is with my current body and with my current diet I'm the happiest I've ever been. Changing my body this time around I don't plan on changing how I view myself in the slightest.


Love yourself, love your body. Make changes if you want to but never change yourself.

My first rope climb! 2 weeks ago

Just doing some Hand stand push ups.. I can do them without the ab mat too. :)

Doing it the wrong/right way. Part 1

So as I was scrolling through my news feed I saw that a friend of mine posted pictures of our high school body building competition. Of course I viewed the pictures. I still think I looked absolutely great in all of my the body building pictures. But at the time I had a skewed image of myself and actually thought that I was overweight! I know... I was letting ED tell me how I looked.

Looking back at the pictures from my competition I cant help but feel a little sad. I'm proud of what I looked like but the way I got there was very unhealthy. I was under eating, by the end of each day I was at about a 1000-2000 calorie deficit. I was using a calorie counting app that told me every single day that I was not eating enough. I took each notification I got from that app and plastered it to my face in the shape of a smile. I was exercising sometimes three times a day with no rest days. Three days before the competition I started drastically lowering my water intake so that my muscles would "pop" I don't even know if that's possible! Talk about nuts! On top of that I started lowering my food intake even more for the last couple of days because I was terrified that since I wasn't eating much that the food I was eating would get stuck in my stomach and make me look fat. The day of the competition I ate nothing but dry oatmeal and maybe 3 table spoons of trail mix. Every single person with any type of expertise in health and exercise told me that I was doing it all wrong and endangering myself. I was told horror stories of competitors passing out on stage because they were so dehydrated or malnourished. But despite the warnings and the horror stories I did it my way because I just wanted to look good. It didn't matter to me that through this training process I probably lost muscle mass. In fact I might say that every pound I lost trying to be a body builder was probably from water or even muscle.

Muscle takes more energy to keep than fat does so if you aren't eating enough and working out to much your body will start getting rid of your muscle and keep your fat... its the cold hard truth. If you don't believe me, look it up.

I went about body building all kinds of wrong. I should've been eating more and exercising less! I would've looked even better than I did in my pictures.

I remember being so irritable after the competition that when my friends were taking pictures with me I got so fed up and hANGRY that I almost cried and bolted for the first water bottle I saw. Everyone was telling me how great I looked, how well I did, and what a good sport I was but I couldn't even appreciate my fifteen minutes of fame because my body was starving.


CONTINUED IN NEXT POST!