Dizzy for Dayz

Happy Saturday!

I've recently started a new job that requires me to work on Saturday mornings. This means that I cant go to crossfit on Saturdays. With the amount of money I make in one morning of work it is worth it to miss crossfit for one day. Since I am missing Saturday's crossfit workout I've decided to make Saturday's my rest day. Sunday is now another training day for me. Therefore, although I don't have a set day for blogging I can totally foresee Saturday (my Sabbath and day of rest) being the day of the week I am most-likely to blog.

As always, I've been trying to listen to my body. Trying to hear it when it tells me that I'm hungry. Trying to hush it when I want to eat out of bordem (which doesn't happen as often as it did when I was binging and purging.) Trying to honor it when it tells me that it needs more recovery time.

Since I've been in Colorado I have been at a new box (crossfit gym). It's just as challenging as the gym back home. And I really enjoy my time there. But something scary has been happening to me almost every time I pick up a moderately heavy to heavy weight. I get really dizzy as soon as I get the bar up. Sometimes this dizziness will start as soon as I've bent down to grab the weight. It's really strange. At first I kind of thought it was cool because it was a new feeling. Almost a high like feeling. But as soon as it affected the amount of weight I could lift and the confidence I had as I rolled the bar back towards my shins I realized that this dizziness I was experiencing was not cool and actually hindering my progress. It's scary. I've never fell when experiencing this. I've always been in a position where I could drop the bar safely. But what if I wasn't in a safe position. I fear that if I was doing a squat and this dizziness/ light headedness came on that maybe I wouldn't be able to toss the bar away. I could be crushed! Who knows! 

There are so many possibilities for why this is happening. So many variables! It could be due to the heat. It could be due to the altitude. I'm pretty sure Fort Collins is around a mile high. It could be due to dehydration. I've been sweating even more than normal since I've been here. It could be that I'm not eating enough. It could be because I have naturally low blood pressure and I sometimes get dips in my blood pressure as I am lifting. There a just so many reasons why I'm getting dizzy! But one thing is for absolute certain. My body is telling me something.

I want so bad to think that this dizziness is not my fault. I want to think that I am giving my body exactly what it needs every hour of every day. But I must be doing something wrong! It's dishearting because I feel like I'm trying so hard! That's alright though. I shall just adjust and figure out what needs changing.

What I've been hearing often and what has been resonating with me most is... maybe I'm not eating enough. I eat when I'm hungry and food is available. To me that sounds like intuitive eating. I am not restricting or telling my body that it can't have something because its "unhealthy." I'm just eating what I want when I want it. Most of the time I want whole foods but sometimes I crave sugar. I'm fine with that. I have no idea how many calories I consume or burn in a day. I cant think about that stuff. I wont start counting calories again. I wont. I dont want to. I feel like I eat enough because when I'm hungry I eat. But when I told my Coach I was getting dizzy he asked when the last time I ate. I told him that it was about 4 hours ago and he said that was unacceptable and it's no wonder that I wasn't feeling right. I told my dearest Coach/compadre Natalie about this ordeal. I explained it in detail and sent her a rough outline of what I eat almost everyday and what activity I do. She said that her diagnosis was that I wasn't eating enough.

I hate hearing that. I want so bad to be doing health and fitness right! Do you know what it's like to feel so passionate about something and then someone with more knowledge and experience to tell you that you dont quite have it? I dont like hearing that "I need to eat more." I want my body to tell me that I need to eat more by sending me hungry signals! Eating more might be something I always struggle with. But what matters is I'm trying to do whats right for me right?

I'm trying new things like eating before workouts and hopefully it helps.

Thanks for reading. Let me know if you can relate. Let me know If you've been through this. And thank you to everyone I've talked to that have given me advice.

Strong is the new skinny. Right? Damn straight. <3