Anxiety

Hey!

So today was my day of rest. I absolutely make myself take a rest day once a week. This morning I was excited about it. I was relieved that the pressure was off. I didn't need to worry about when I would go to the gym. I didn't have to worry about getting there or weather conditions and I didn't have to worry that I was eating enough grub.

But after a few hours of me doing homework and just lounging around in my room I got real board and real antsy. For me my anxiety works just like a switch.. and unlike a lever that increases intensity. One second I'm content with just sitting and the next I absolutely need to get moving. I wouldn't say that I'm anxious about anything else except for my activity level. That absolutely has to do with my ED. When I've worked out already I feel free to be calm, collected, and flexible but when I haven't I'm lost. I don't know who I am without exercising..

So even though it's a rest day I went on a long walk. The walk was really nice. It just gave me a chance to have some alone time, listen to some new music, and pet a few dogs! Just about everything I've read about rest days says that it is acceptable to do light cardio such as walking or biking so I feel like even though I went for my trek I was respecting my body's need for recovery. As an active person and a person who is medicated for ODC (really its for my anxiety around exercise/food) I absolutely need to move about. I can't be sedentary. It eats me up in side and makes my mind race. I can't explain to someone who doesn't have anxiety how it feels to be out of touch with who you think you are. I guess you should just know that it is uncomfortable.

Also, I'm sorry if I get short with you when I start falling apart. The ones who are close to me know how I am. It's no excuse for being bitchy but right now it's how I react.

Bre: Another rest day down. ED: Still making me anxious... is it ED or is it something else? The mystery remains.

As always, thanks for listening.