This summer was over all fantastic! I feel like I say that after every summer because they all have their memorable moments that make you remember them as fantastic. This summer had some of those awesome, on-top-of-the-world moments for sure. But when I look back on this summer I remember more than the sureal moments that made me post sappy twitter posts or hug acquaintances. When I look back on this summer or even these past 6 months I see so much progress I've made. So much self development. I can't help but be proud of myself.
Lets start with the foundation I laid in Colorado before I even when home. I talked with my psychologist and nutritionist about the fears I had about being home with all the same triggers that had set me off into a spiral of self-discomfort in the past. I told them I didn't know how I would spend the time that I used to be binging and purging. That's a lot of new time to have on my hands. I don't have a ton of non active hobbies. This is what I enjoy: Crossfit, exercise, friends, family, being outside, hiking, biking, boating, walking my dogs, basically anything active and exciting! But I can't spend all my time moving. My recovery team wanted me to spend time on myself in a restful state. So I didn't know How I would spend my time. I ended up opening pandora's box of time and finding that I didn't really have to "plan" my time so much. I just kind of went where the wind took me. Cliche but whatever. I just worked out if I could, if I had the time, and the energy. I went outside if It was beautiful and I couldn't feel whole under a roof. I spent time with the ones I loved. In all honesty. I did whatever I wanted and my summer turned out perfectly.
I came home to Alaska from Colorado nervous that my friends would notice that I've gotten bigger. Normally I'd say gained weight but recently I've discovered that weight (the force of an object due to gravity) has almost no correlation to volume (the amount of space you take up.) Yeahhhhhh, think about it. I'm leaving Alaska to go back to school now without a care in the world. I know my friends wont judge me based on my size or anything else. My friends know my story and know how hard I've worked to become who I am. My friends love me no matter what I look like. I do Crossfit and I workout for me. Not to impress anyone. Not so I look better in a bikini. Not to fit into the jeans I wore in high school. I workout because it makes me feel invincible. If you've seen me after a workout you know that to be true.
This time last year I was so nervous to be eating in a buffet for three meals a day. I was so scared to have a plethora of deserts available at every meal. This year as I return to dorm food I'm pumped! There are so many opportunities to eat healthy and take advantage of all the fresh food. If I want some of the soft serve (I'm sure I will) I'm going to eat it. But this time around it's sensibly. I've come to discover that sugary foods don't sit well with me. I don't perform like the Mazaradi I am. When I eat sugary foods I perform more like a mini van. Slow and Steady. I'd rather be quick and full of energy so I'm going to eat the foods that make me feel that way. You should fill your tank with premium and not low grade fuel. You want to be a Mazaradi!
All in all, I am confident in the person I have morphed into. This summer I did a lot for me and learned a lot about myself and others. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
This might have been the best summer yet.
Much Love,
Bre: Constantly Chipper
Ed: Getting Chipped Away.
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