Making Up for Lost Time

Hey!

So I've been back at school for a week now! It's official, I love Colorado State this time around just as much as I did the first time. Just now I took a writing break because I started hearing this beautiful music from down the hall it was a kid singing and playing  "Soul Sister." He finished that song with so much charisma and energy that the pack of women listening to him from the hall demanded to hear another. He stared playing another song. Saying that I was in awe would be an understatement. I was enamored. This song was funny and so relatable. I swear this kid is the male Taylor Swift! I might be in love? Well actually I'm sure that I'm not but I am extremely distraught that his songs aren't accessible to the average bear yet...

Sorry I got sidetracked. But I guess that is a great segway for my next point. Post recovery I have realized that it is much more important to get caught in a moment than to do "what you're supposed to be doing." Pre recovery I wouldn't have cared that his boy had a beautiful voice with fingers that could pluck that guitar like a thanksgiving turkey. I would've been binging, maybe doing endless hours of cardio, maybe laying in my bed asleep after purging away the energy that my body so desperately needed. I would've been applying for scholarships, looking for a job, doing homework. I would've been doing something else! Even though some of the things I mentioned before are things that "I should be doing" they wouldn't make me feel the way this music made me feel.

There is something to be said about being productive. It's great! Sometimes we need to be productive. But certainly not for all of our waking hours. Western society tells us to be busy. If we aren't being productive we aren't being upstanding citizens. Western society is wrong. We need mental health breaks. We need to drop what we are doing and seize opportunities. We need to appreciate every moment.

I guess I'm extra passionate about Carpe Diem because I spent 5 plus years doing  what I thought I should be doing. I thought I should be skinny so I restricted. I thought I needed to be perfect so I worked really hard and got perfect grades. I thought that other peoples opinions of me mattered more than my own. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I spent all my time changing who I was. Changing the beautiful baby girl that my parents made.

When I think back on all my wasted minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years I'm bummed. You might be thinking... "You're bummed? Is that all? Shouldn't you feel more than bummed?" If you asked me that I would tell you that bummed is all I feel about my lost time. Don't get me wrong. I would never recommend any of the ED oriented things I did to anyone. But now. Now with all the new love I have for life. I've come to peace with ED. I used to have an ED. It sucked. It really did. But now. I have the privilege of living everyday like I missed out on the past 5 years. Today I look in the mirror and smile because I'm beautiful inside and out. I love myself. I love what I have accomplished.

Maybe today I didn't accomplish much homework. But I listened to beautiful music and loved myself and a number of wonderful people around me.

Live your life like you're making up for lost time. In actuality, I'd rather you get lost in time.

Love and be loved.