So tonight as after I took a shower and was lounging around my room as i put lotion on and combed my hair i got to thinking about all the things I'd like to do. I have a lot on my bucket list. Not things like go to the Great Wall of China or parasail in the Mediterranean Sea things like I want to graduate with a bachelors degree. I want to challenge myself everyday. I want to marry the person of my dreams. I want to give to the community and be an example for my children and my peers. I want to do something substantial with my career. I'm not 100% sure what I want to do but what I'm sure of is that it will impact the people who are willing to be effected. I want to love someone so hard that they feel it even when I'm grouchy. I want to go to the crossfit games. I want to do well at the crossfit games. and If i don't make it that far I want to know that i tried my damnedest. I want to infect the world with my positive outlook. I want to write a book and be some stranger across the world's woman crush wednesday. I want to be inspirational. really fucking inspirational. because i needed someone like this when i was younger. Be the person you needed when you were younger.
There is so many things I want to do. Even more than I listed. None of these things are going to happen overnight. They all will take a lot of hard work, time, and discipline. But what keeps me going is the little bits of progress that I make each and everyday.
Each time I talk to a peer about impact vs. intent. Each time I ask someone if "Retarded" was really the word they meant to say. Each time I challenge myself to do something I'm scared of or not comfortable with. I'm growing. I'm making a difference in myself and in others. Each time I show someone that I care or look them in the eyes and tell them that I appreciate them and that I'm here for them I'm doing something substantial.
So I guess when I start thinking that all these ambitious goals are a little far fetched I look at what I'm already doing to be who I want to be. And that keeps me going.
I'm so blessed to have this kind of outlook. Thank you to everyone who makes me think and challenges me to try. <3
Recovery
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Things I've Learned SLASH Things I've Paid More Attention To Recently
1. Every rep counts.
It seems like something so simple and something so focused on exercise. When I say "every rep counts" I'm thinking of more than just exercise. Every thought you have counts. Every smile you give someone counts. Every time you hurt someone's feelings it counts. Every breath you take counts. EVERYTHING (every rep) counts. Nothing you do goes without consequences, repercussions, or notice.
2. Expectations are important.
If you expect yourself to do well 9 times out of 10 you will do better than you would have. Set high goals. It's okay if it takes you awhile to get there, as long as you get there.
3. Saying you don't have time for something is a cop out.
You have time for anything you prioritize. You might say you dont have time to clean your room. You do. You would rather do other things. You'd rather go to crossfit, sleep, be with humans, or anything else but if you're saying you dont have time for something thats not true. It's just not a priority of yours.
4. There is something about the word: Love.
Once you said it or really thought it there is no going back. You can be mad as hell at someone but if you loved them once you wont want to see them truly suffer. If you loved them ever or at all you will remember that eventually. Certain loved ones might become less important to you but in reality they will always be a part of who you are and someone you care about.
5. Recovery shakes post workout are awesome.
I used to be afraid of the extra calories. I didn't understand why someone would work so hard to burn them if they were just going to ingest them right after. I now understand that your body needs that nourishment or else you cant get better. All the work you just did was basically nothing. So eat/drink something full of macronutrients (protein, fat, and carbohydrates) after your workout. It will only help you.
6. Find your happy medium
You only get one body so you should do your best to protect it. Invest in a good pair of shoes. Eat a wide variety of nutrients. Exercise. Have fun. Do something for you. Do something for others. Test your capabilities. Challenge your mind. But don't do to much. Learn your limits and learn how to increase your limits. Although you only have one body and you should be smart with it you should have much fun as possible. It's the fun you will remember later.
7. Well-being always out weighs waist size
Recently a wise college freshman told me, "thick thighs and a peaceful state of mind beat petite every time." I used to be skinnier, more petite, more of what the magazines might call beautiful but my mind was racing and my thoughts were destructive. She told me not to let society push anything on me. She was right. The only reason I thought what I looked like was more appealing was because that's what society has told me. Looking at old pictures of myself is a challenge but I'm working on it. I love how I am today. I love what my body can do. I love the endless gains I make in crossfit and the smile that comes to my face when I talk about it. I love that I've learned that I'm worth more than a number on the scale. Hell, I'm worth even more that the weight I can deadlift. I'm worth whatever I think I am and most of the time more than that. My well-being welcomes growth and ecstasy. My waist size is irrelevant.
Your waist size is irrelevant too.
It seems like something so simple and something so focused on exercise. When I say "every rep counts" I'm thinking of more than just exercise. Every thought you have counts. Every smile you give someone counts. Every time you hurt someone's feelings it counts. Every breath you take counts. EVERYTHING (every rep) counts. Nothing you do goes without consequences, repercussions, or notice.
2. Expectations are important.
If you expect yourself to do well 9 times out of 10 you will do better than you would have. Set high goals. It's okay if it takes you awhile to get there, as long as you get there.
3. Saying you don't have time for something is a cop out.
You have time for anything you prioritize. You might say you dont have time to clean your room. You do. You would rather do other things. You'd rather go to crossfit, sleep, be with humans, or anything else but if you're saying you dont have time for something thats not true. It's just not a priority of yours.
4. There is something about the word: Love.
Once you said it or really thought it there is no going back. You can be mad as hell at someone but if you loved them once you wont want to see them truly suffer. If you loved them ever or at all you will remember that eventually. Certain loved ones might become less important to you but in reality they will always be a part of who you are and someone you care about.
5. Recovery shakes post workout are awesome.
I used to be afraid of the extra calories. I didn't understand why someone would work so hard to burn them if they were just going to ingest them right after. I now understand that your body needs that nourishment or else you cant get better. All the work you just did was basically nothing. So eat/drink something full of macronutrients (protein, fat, and carbohydrates) after your workout. It will only help you.
6. Find your happy medium
You only get one body so you should do your best to protect it. Invest in a good pair of shoes. Eat a wide variety of nutrients. Exercise. Have fun. Do something for you. Do something for others. Test your capabilities. Challenge your mind. But don't do to much. Learn your limits and learn how to increase your limits. Although you only have one body and you should be smart with it you should have much fun as possible. It's the fun you will remember later.
7. Well-being always out weighs waist size
Recently a wise college freshman told me, "thick thighs and a peaceful state of mind beat petite every time." I used to be skinnier, more petite, more of what the magazines might call beautiful but my mind was racing and my thoughts were destructive. She told me not to let society push anything on me. She was right. The only reason I thought what I looked like was more appealing was because that's what society has told me. Looking at old pictures of myself is a challenge but I'm working on it. I love how I am today. I love what my body can do. I love the endless gains I make in crossfit and the smile that comes to my face when I talk about it. I love that I've learned that I'm worth more than a number on the scale. Hell, I'm worth even more that the weight I can deadlift. I'm worth whatever I think I am and most of the time more than that. My well-being welcomes growth and ecstasy. My waist size is irrelevant.
Your waist size is irrelevant too.
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
One Year Down One Hundred to Go!
Heyyyyy! guess what last week was.
MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of being ED-free! A year of not completely obsessing about what I put into my body and how food is being used in my body. A year without overtraining, over eating, under eating, and neglecting myself. A year with friends who support me and family that cares. A year without missing out on the good things in life to make time for the destructive things. It's been a year of loving myself and everything around me. A year of appreciating what I've accomplished and learning what is still to come. I've picked up a sport that focuses on performance and not my body fat percentage. I've bought bigger clothes that don't pinch me and make me feel uncomfortable.I've surrounded myself with men and women who are more impressed with the amount of weight I can lift than the definition of my stomach. I've become very comfortable with my naked body and absolutely love walking around without my movement being restricted my clothes. I've learned new ways to cope with discomfort, stress, and even heart break. I've discovered that food is never the solution to anything besides hunger. But sometimes your mind will convince you that a sugary food is the only way to satisfy you.. I've learned that that is A-Okay and sometimes the way it has to be.
I've been intuitive eating for a year now. Which means I eat whatever I want when I want. Most of the time I want food that fuels me anyways so really it's been a good experience for my mind and my body. I highly HIGHLY recommend this way of eating (not diet) to anyone struggling with food issues (food issues could basically mean anything, therefore this is open to interpretation). Sooner or later I plan on changing my diet a wittle. Not because I think I need to be skinnier, not because I think changing the food that I eat will make me more attractive or desirable. I plan on changing it solely to make my crossfit dreams more of a reality. Eventually, probably pretty soon here. Whenever I think I'm ready. I'm doing to start eating cleaner. I expect my body to perform at it's highest level, which means it needs to have the energy to do so. I plan on eating as much healthy food as my body needs. This past year I've been making leaps and bounds in my life and in my physical performance. Why not make it easier for my body to bound? Don't get me wrong. I will still treat myself and give my body what it craves. But not to the extreme that I have been this past year.
It's been a wonderful year and I cant make it clear how grateful I am to experience life the way I have been.
Sometimes you need to experience darkness to appreciate the light.
Sometimes you need to take a risk and be someone you've never been to achieve something you never have.
I'm Learning Self Love and Self Lust every day.
MY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of being ED-free! A year of not completely obsessing about what I put into my body and how food is being used in my body. A year without overtraining, over eating, under eating, and neglecting myself. A year with friends who support me and family that cares. A year without missing out on the good things in life to make time for the destructive things. It's been a year of loving myself and everything around me. A year of appreciating what I've accomplished and learning what is still to come. I've picked up a sport that focuses on performance and not my body fat percentage. I've bought bigger clothes that don't pinch me and make me feel uncomfortable.I've surrounded myself with men and women who are more impressed with the amount of weight I can lift than the definition of my stomach. I've become very comfortable with my naked body and absolutely love walking around without my movement being restricted my clothes. I've learned new ways to cope with discomfort, stress, and even heart break. I've discovered that food is never the solution to anything besides hunger. But sometimes your mind will convince you that a sugary food is the only way to satisfy you.. I've learned that that is A-Okay and sometimes the way it has to be.
I've been intuitive eating for a year now. Which means I eat whatever I want when I want. Most of the time I want food that fuels me anyways so really it's been a good experience for my mind and my body. I highly HIGHLY recommend this way of eating (not diet) to anyone struggling with food issues (food issues could basically mean anything, therefore this is open to interpretation). Sooner or later I plan on changing my diet a wittle. Not because I think I need to be skinnier, not because I think changing the food that I eat will make me more attractive or desirable. I plan on changing it solely to make my crossfit dreams more of a reality. Eventually, probably pretty soon here. Whenever I think I'm ready. I'm doing to start eating cleaner. I expect my body to perform at it's highest level, which means it needs to have the energy to do so. I plan on eating as much healthy food as my body needs. This past year I've been making leaps and bounds in my life and in my physical performance. Why not make it easier for my body to bound? Don't get me wrong. I will still treat myself and give my body what it craves. But not to the extreme that I have been this past year.
It's been a wonderful year and I cant make it clear how grateful I am to experience life the way I have been.
Sometimes you need to experience darkness to appreciate the light.
Sometimes you need to take a risk and be someone you've never been to achieve something you never have.
I'm Learning Self Love and Self Lust every day.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Pretty Proud
Today I spoke at a "body acceptance week" event. It was my responsibility to facilitate a conversation around America's perceptions of beauty. When I first decided to be a speaker I assumed I would introduce myself as someone who had struggled with an eating disorder but when the time came to step up to that podium I wasn't sure if it was necessary for me to tell them that.
I walked up to the podium and left my note cards in my bag which was not even close to me. I did that on purpose. I didnt think I need them. After all they were just potential questions to ask the group. I introduced myself as Bre. after all that is who I am and who I always will be. That introduction was a given. What came next was the variable.
I said, "Hi im Bre, as Janelle said I am an Resident Assistant in Edwards Hall. But that doesn't really qualify me to be up here speaking to you. I'm up here because within this past year I have learned how to not only accept my body but respect it. That used to be really hard for me. I used to struggle with my eating disorder. But those days are over and im traveling down the road to recovery. Alright. How lets talk about America's perception of beauty."
My opening statement might not have been the smoothest. It might have been a little unnecessary to flaunt my recovery but I had to. It's something im really proud of. Talking to groups of people who are interested in challenging the definition of beauty is what I'd like to do for the rest of my life. I had to start somewhere so I started with "Hi I'm Bre." It was terrifying to stand in front of this group. When I looked down at the legs I used to be ashamed of I saw that they were trembling. Not from starvation but from anticipation and nerves. This shaking was a good shaking. A shaking that I earned.
It was a cool experience so I thought I'd share.
Be brave.
I walked up to the podium and left my note cards in my bag which was not even close to me. I did that on purpose. I didnt think I need them. After all they were just potential questions to ask the group. I introduced myself as Bre. after all that is who I am and who I always will be. That introduction was a given. What came next was the variable.
I said, "Hi im Bre, as Janelle said I am an Resident Assistant in Edwards Hall. But that doesn't really qualify me to be up here speaking to you. I'm up here because within this past year I have learned how to not only accept my body but respect it. That used to be really hard for me. I used to struggle with my eating disorder. But those days are over and im traveling down the road to recovery. Alright. How lets talk about America's perception of beauty."
My opening statement might not have been the smoothest. It might have been a little unnecessary to flaunt my recovery but I had to. It's something im really proud of. Talking to groups of people who are interested in challenging the definition of beauty is what I'd like to do for the rest of my life. I had to start somewhere so I started with "Hi I'm Bre." It was terrifying to stand in front of this group. When I looked down at the legs I used to be ashamed of I saw that they were trembling. Not from starvation but from anticipation and nerves. This shaking was a good shaking. A shaking that I earned.
It was a cool experience so I thought I'd share.
Be brave.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
2014 Reebok Crossfit Open
Welllll... Everybody and their brother is posting about the Crossfit Open so I my as well join the club.
I've been doing Crossfit for 8 months now. I'm completely in love. Never have I ever been able to test myself the way Crossfit has let me. Never have I felt so spent, so strained, so trained. Never have I felt so fit, so ready to do anything. Never have I been so confident or proud of myself. Today a big big big part of my life revolves around crossfit and I am 100% okay with that.
This will be my first time competing in the open. I have almost no hope of making it to the South West Regionals which is a big part of competing in the open ( to get to regionals). I'm competing even though there is a 99% chance I wont make it to regionals .
You might be thinking that I'm not competitive. I am. This year just isn't all about competing. In fact, now that I think of it I don't think anything will ever be "just about competing." This year is about getting my feet wet. It's about the experience. Its about being a part of the crossfit community. Its knowing how far I've come and how far I can and will go. Possibly more than anything it's about the love I have for crossfit and for what it's done for me.
I'm going to try this year in the open that is for sure. But I'm going to try not to let my training slip just for the open. This year is more about preparation for next year than it is about rankings for this year.
Right now I'm right where I want to be and I'm sure that in a few years I will be right where I want to be too.
Do what you love and love the journey. Fall in love with the beat of your own heart.
I've been doing Crossfit for 8 months now. I'm completely in love. Never have I ever been able to test myself the way Crossfit has let me. Never have I felt so spent, so strained, so trained. Never have I felt so fit, so ready to do anything. Never have I been so confident or proud of myself. Today a big big big part of my life revolves around crossfit and I am 100% okay with that.
This will be my first time competing in the open. I have almost no hope of making it to the South West Regionals which is a big part of competing in the open ( to get to regionals). I'm competing even though there is a 99% chance I wont make it to regionals .
You might be thinking that I'm not competitive. I am. This year just isn't all about competing. In fact, now that I think of it I don't think anything will ever be "just about competing." This year is about getting my feet wet. It's about the experience. Its about being a part of the crossfit community. Its knowing how far I've come and how far I can and will go. Possibly more than anything it's about the love I have for crossfit and for what it's done for me.
I'm going to try this year in the open that is for sure. But I'm going to try not to let my training slip just for the open. This year is more about preparation for next year than it is about rankings for this year.
Right now I'm right where I want to be and I'm sure that in a few years I will be right where I want to be too.
Do what you love and love the journey. Fall in love with the beat of your own heart.
Valentine's Day 2014
Guess what day it was yesterday.. I'll give you a hint, today is the 15th of February... CORRECT yesterday was Valentine's Day! I've never been one of those people who hates Valentines Day. I've never understood how hating something could make you feel any better. In fact, for me, hate hasn't cured anything ever. I believe in love. I believe in all types of love. I believe that love and passion can cure all.
Anyways, I didn't have a conventional date for Valentines Day this year... I know.. it's shocking.. But really, not having someone to cuddle on Valentines day was not awful. Not in the slightest. I had an unorthadox date for February 14th, 2014. I had a date with "Fran."
Fran is a one of the benchmark workouts for Crossfit. Apparently, at Wild Horizons Crossfit we do Fran every Valentines day. Who am I to mess with tradition? I was going to take Fran out for a night on the town just like all the other athletes at Wild Horizons Crossfit. This would be the first time I did Fran without scaling the workout (doing less than prescribed). In case you dont know, Fran is 21-15-9 of Thrusters 65/95 lbs and chin over bar pull-ups. Since this was my first true Fran I didn't know what to shoot for. Some of the elite Crossfit athletes can do Fran in a little over 2 mins. I knew that was to fast for me. I knew I wanted under eight because that's how fast I did it the first time when I scaled it. I arrived at the box and saw that the time cap for the workout was 6 minutes... It looks like I found a target to shot for.
I did Fran in the last heat of the day. Every single competive athlete around me was destined to finish in under 5 minutes, some of them under three. Some how I wound up in the most stacked heat of the day, which was totally fine, but their athleticism and history with crossfit did not go unnoticed.
3-2-1-GO! Fran began. 21 thrusters at 65 pounds. Not to difficult. They're just heavy wallballs. I'm the last one to finish in my heat but only by seconds (awesome start) I look up at the pull up bar and grab it. I start my pull ups. For some reason linking them just wasnt feeling right. So I just started doing singular pull ups to chip those 21 away slowly but surely. By the time I was done with my first 21 pull ups my coach and some of the other big boys were FINISHED with fran. THATS SO COOL!
I really do train with some incredible humans. Anyways before the first set of 21 pull ups was finished I'd ripped my hand.. Shit.. oh well. only like 50 more reps to go. Anyways.. I kept going. I looked to my friends for support. I could hear sounds of sweaty palms slapping together and the sound of me chocking on air. The sound of barbells crashing. The sound of athletes cheering. This is my home and I just love it. Eventually the 6th minute finishes and I drop to the floor.. I look to my peers almost in tears and hear jenna ask how many more reps I have. I spit out the word "nine" and she tells me to finish. I do 3 pull ups and tell her "I.. I.. feel like" and she tells me to do 3 more. I do. And say "I'm going to puke" she says do 3 more. I do.. As I lay on the ground by the pull up bars a guy comes over and tells me that I'm an inspiration, that watching me was inspiring.. Nothing picks me off the ground faster than beautiful words like that. :)
I live for that. I love hearing that i've inspired. That I've made a difference. That maybe later when they aren't feeling strong they'll think of me. Maybe thats why I try so hard. I crave someone telling me something like that. I crave the feeling of knowing I went hard and knowing what I just did was damn impressive.
So I didn't have a legit date for Valentines day.. And I'm more than alright with that. I have a date with Crossfit everyday and I cherish every moment with her. If you haven't seen me roaming about a crossfit gym after an incredible workout then you haven't seen me at all. If you haven't seen my eyes light up when I talk about crossfit you haven't seen my eyes.
Forever loving Fran
Anyways, I didn't have a conventional date for Valentines Day this year... I know.. it's shocking.. But really, not having someone to cuddle on Valentines day was not awful. Not in the slightest. I had an unorthadox date for February 14th, 2014. I had a date with "Fran."
Fran is a one of the benchmark workouts for Crossfit. Apparently, at Wild Horizons Crossfit we do Fran every Valentines day. Who am I to mess with tradition? I was going to take Fran out for a night on the town just like all the other athletes at Wild Horizons Crossfit. This would be the first time I did Fran without scaling the workout (doing less than prescribed). In case you dont know, Fran is 21-15-9 of Thrusters 65/95 lbs and chin over bar pull-ups. Since this was my first true Fran I didn't know what to shoot for. Some of the elite Crossfit athletes can do Fran in a little over 2 mins. I knew that was to fast for me. I knew I wanted under eight because that's how fast I did it the first time when I scaled it. I arrived at the box and saw that the time cap for the workout was 6 minutes... It looks like I found a target to shot for.
I did Fran in the last heat of the day. Every single competive athlete around me was destined to finish in under 5 minutes, some of them under three. Some how I wound up in the most stacked heat of the day, which was totally fine, but their athleticism and history with crossfit did not go unnoticed.
3-2-1-GO! Fran began. 21 thrusters at 65 pounds. Not to difficult. They're just heavy wallballs. I'm the last one to finish in my heat but only by seconds (awesome start) I look up at the pull up bar and grab it. I start my pull ups. For some reason linking them just wasnt feeling right. So I just started doing singular pull ups to chip those 21 away slowly but surely. By the time I was done with my first 21 pull ups my coach and some of the other big boys were FINISHED with fran. THATS SO COOL!
I really do train with some incredible humans. Anyways before the first set of 21 pull ups was finished I'd ripped my hand.. Shit.. oh well. only like 50 more reps to go. Anyways.. I kept going. I looked to my friends for support. I could hear sounds of sweaty palms slapping together and the sound of me chocking on air. The sound of barbells crashing. The sound of athletes cheering. This is my home and I just love it. Eventually the 6th minute finishes and I drop to the floor.. I look to my peers almost in tears and hear jenna ask how many more reps I have. I spit out the word "nine" and she tells me to finish. I do 3 pull ups and tell her "I.. I.. feel like" and she tells me to do 3 more. I do. And say "I'm going to puke" she says do 3 more. I do.. As I lay on the ground by the pull up bars a guy comes over and tells me that I'm an inspiration, that watching me was inspiring.. Nothing picks me off the ground faster than beautiful words like that. :)
I live for that. I love hearing that i've inspired. That I've made a difference. That maybe later when they aren't feeling strong they'll think of me. Maybe thats why I try so hard. I crave someone telling me something like that. I crave the feeling of knowing I went hard and knowing what I just did was damn impressive.
So I didn't have a legit date for Valentines day.. And I'm more than alright with that. I have a date with Crossfit everyday and I cherish every moment with her. If you haven't seen me roaming about a crossfit gym after an incredible workout then you haven't seen me at all. If you haven't seen my eyes light up when I talk about crossfit you haven't seen my eyes.
Forever loving Fran
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
New tattoo/Meaning
Thats what I tell people when I show them my new tattoo. Then they usually tell me how they think it looks cool and that they like all the colors. Then they usually ask me what it means. For me, tattoos don't just have one meaning. The meaning can change from day to day, instance to instance, and even second to second. I'd rather ask them "What do you think it should mean? If this was on your body right now what would you associate it with? What does the purple signify? Why a trout? Why make it so vibrant?" Numerous people have asked me why I got this and what does it mean and every person gets a different story, a different meaning.
Sometimes I look down at my foot and see beauty. I see how pretty the artwork on my foot is. I see all the time and planning the artist took on it. Sometimes I look down and see tolerance- I had to tolerate a lot of pain to get this permanently on my body. Sometimes I look down and see the friends that held my hand and hung out with me in the tattoo parlor for hours. Sometimes I see the rainbow and to me that triggers thoughts of identities, identities that I hold and that others hold, identities that I'm proud of, identities that aren't plain to see. Sometimes I see the fish and see it's will, it's courage. Also, have you seen a fish move? It's a thing of wonder. There are tons of other meanings I could assoiciate this tattoo with. There is not just one meaning.
But really, One SUPER VALID reason I thought this tattoo would be awesome is because when I stick my foot underwater I can trick people(even lifeguards) that there is a fish in the water!
Love,
Bre
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